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Planning an event is like pulling teeth for me, in the sense that the teeth in question are mine. |
Neighbours are fighting outside at 7 am. This is much too early in the day to fight. Maybe they're carrying over from the night before? |
There are so many sandwiches out there today. |
@BaltimoreGal Thanks. |
@srah Ehh-EEE-vuhh. |
@andreaheimer Do you ship to Canada? Huh? Do ya? |
@sweetney Ah man! Don't say lupus! I start laughing and it goes on for hours. |
Zombieform bras! Quality undeadwear for the organically unresolved. |
My boss is trying to talk to me. She doesn't know that my office door is closed. |
@herbadmother We enjoyed your insights on horticulture. Would you be interested in our line of industrial car crushers? |
@papernapkin Ahhh. Thanks. Good luck on that for this year. |
@califmom Well, laws be damned for the god-fearing. |
Fellow AmeriTweeps: why do they call it Black Friday? That sounds like market collapse or terrorist attack, not great sales. |
@mochamomma Not only should you be unapologetic about breakfast pie, you should be gloating. |
@MelissaSummers Yes: run. Or hiss at her and burst into flames, screaming "The sun! The awful sun!" That'll learn her. |
I watched the trailer for The Wrestler. Mickey Rourke has become so ugly it's kind of inspiring. |
Rick Astley rickrolls himself whenever he glances into a mirror. It must be driving him crazy by now. |
Told a coworker from Korea that I was "in a pickle". She said: "In a pickle? Are you ... sour?" Then I remembered that English is stupid. |
I'm thankful that today isn't Thanksgiving in Canada. |
Today I will invent the Hotdamnotronic Chamber out of spare parts and a garbage can. Guaranteed to ease your chi and float your flagella. |
