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thinks nothing but the truth. To wit: Vera Farmiga as Valerie Plame is less of a stretch than Kate Beckinsale as Judith Miller. |
confusedly travels to the Central African Republic's neighbor, the Democratic Republic of the Congo -- not the Republic of the Congo. |
tells you what he's up to within the elegant confines of one hundred and forty characters. Count them. Go ahead. I have characters to burn. |
breaks his fall with your broken heart, brought on by his CB radio cries of "breaker, breaker, one, nine". |
has TWILIGHT FEVER AND WANTS TO MARRY ROBERT PATTINSON I HAVE EDWARD FEVER! TEAM EDWARD! love, Stephanie H, 6th Grade |
is like WHOOOOO! and then all YEEEAAAAHHH!!! and jumps around all like AWWWWW!!! and is totally OHHHH DAAAAAMN! And you, how're you doing? |
voted for Tim Lincecum, too, but people're all "You're not in the BBWAA so you don't matter" and I'm like, "No matter, we'll see." |
is the Angelo Badalamenti of conversation, in that he can be moody, somber, and drop too many David Lynch references. Also, he's Italian. |
is at an election-viewing party, watching people update their facebook statii in realtime on their iPhones. |
has neither voted nor told the truth his entire life. |
serves as a definition of a high-roller, a large-lifer, a tall-taler, a bromide-doler. |
is the most intellectually-rigorous McCain supporter ever. Kristol on amphetamines. Malkin on uppers. Hewitt on coke. I am all these things. |
is about to make you laugh. Ready? Are you ready to laugh at topical humor? Sit down...relax. Here goes. Ready? Joe the Plumber! |
who am I? why am I here? who is Ross Perot? what is a VP debate? |
I don't use twitter very often. also, the iPhone autocorrects that as twitted, as though THAT were a real word. |
I'm following myself now. inundated by an endless loop of self-references. |
Saturday rolls into Sunday rolls into Monday. |
trying new shit. I'm adventurous. daring. brazen. |
following you right now. |
I'm holding my iPhone and standing outside and waiting for dinner folks to arrive and mindlessly flipping through apps and updating you all. |
