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Fie! I wanted merely to photograph my burning hillock of money when a consumptive orphan-girl coughed damply on my kindling hobo. O FORTUNA! |
@mathowie You just won the Palme d'Or of the 2008 First World Problem Awards. |
Cleaning lady didn't know I was home, and I didn't know anyone was in the bathroom, so, yadda yadda, now I can say "Larry David" in Spanish. |
I totally have gaydar. Only it's for identifying comics who will eventually appear on a morning zoo in a city that used to have an airport. |
Those mid-calf boots look terrific on ladies who are 12 feet tall and never wear them. |
9 year old at the library said something mean to Ellie. So I gave her an eating disorder. Next time, come heavy, Tweenie. |
My college — which I love dearly — seems to think I'm made of money and crockpot food. |
So far, Netflix Streaming feels like fast and unlimited access to many of the movies that make me want to cancel my cable. |
If I were Lindsey Buckingham I'd just sit around all day playing PERFECT pull-offs.
I mean until it was time to go out and alienate someone. |
Big news! We've just launched a new interactive web community...
http://tinyurl.com/AmazonSt...
Happy Holidays! |
If you can manage to stay in a shitty mood while Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass are playing, you don't deserve to be happy. |
"Humor" is what strangers find funny.
"Comedy" is what your friends find funny.
"Twitter" is what your family finds, and says, "You okay?" |
Shit. Now, there goes the REST of the hippies. ☮ ✌ ♡ |
@Tony_D
Q: How can you tell when a jam band finishes a song?
A: Raw foods potluck after the last member's wake. |
Seems odd that, in over 14 years on the web, I've never been asked to play with my boobs for cash. |
Hate to bug you guys but the Amazon Store is doing SHIT for traffic. Could you give me some awards or maybe write a whitepaper or something? |
I'm the first to admit my surprise at how much I enjoy disliking young people. |
I'm not sure how many cameras I've sold, but so far the Amazon Store has netted US$1.69.
So, y'know.
Clearly, Pro Blogging WORK$™. |
I'll get this right if it's the last thing I do. Pancakes. #6wordepitaph |
In his dreams, @jonathancoulton's kissed your lips a thousand times. http://xrl.us/ozsjf |
