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Haven't worked in an office since '02, but this year I'm attending 3 office xmas parties. I've been neglecting my xeroxed asses collection. 4:46 PM Dec 1st from web |
Corner bodega has a sign in the window advertising "Peace Cereal." I have not been eating this. Sorry about all the wars, you guys. 6:15 PM Nov 25th from web |
Body lotion is counter intuitive. You clean off in the shower, and then rub oily goo all over you so you can feel sweaty again. 8:19 AM Nov 25th from web |
Sick toddler, so I've memorized every episode of Wonder Pets. "Refined Media Taste 101" begins with Godfather II. We'll build to Fight Club. 3:54 PM Nov 24th from web |
Big fan drops off truck bed. Ten minutes later, Mercedes blows through stop sign without looking, acquires new hood ornament. 11:53 AM Nov 19th from web |
The planning stage is my very favorite stage. It's so pleasantly distant from the failing stage. 1:52 PM Nov 18th from web |
Awake since 2 a.m. Confused by small things, like how tap water works. Have decided against using the glue gun. 2:58 PM Nov 14th from web |
The boy is not only hugging trees, he's begun to kiss them. Next he's going vegan. 10:30 AM Nov 14th from txt |
This is the thing about city life: stumbling upon the corner sake tasting. Nice. 8:13 PM Nov 13th from txt |
Listening to the guys at the next table as they discuss a friend of mine who runs an online business. 2:13 PM Nov 12th from web |
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My phone is missing. It's like heaven! Except I can't fly. And there are no zero-calorie fries. And I'm not surrounded by dead people. 10:57 AM Nov 7th from web |
Since the election, I have an almost uncontrollable urge to high-five every black man I pass on the street. 3:46 PM Nov 6th from web |
Man. It's nice to wake up the day after an election and know who was elected. 10:46 AM Nov 5th from web |
We're sick, watching Wonder Pets and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Hank looks up and says, "This is fun." ... Language acquisition rules. 2:23 PM Nov 4th from web |
Decided voting would be more effective than screaming obscenities at Yes on 8 protesters. Voted. 11:27 AM Nov 4th from web |
The little guy had a nightmare at 4 a.m., so I brought him into bed. Now there's a Hot Wheels imprint on my ass. 7:30 AM Nov 3rd from web |
The muscles you use to whip your head from side to side when dancing with tequila in hand? I don't use those much. Ow. 6:47 AM Nov 2nd from web |
I want to achieve maximum efficiency without getting all worked up about it. I'm aiming at peacefully frantic. Serene rampage. 12:56 PM Oct 29th from web |