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@smartasshat I'm sure you do, @smartasshat, I'M SURE YOU DO. |
I'm sorry @ccmaine, but I refuse to attend the Maine TweetUp so long is it persists with its draconian pants and bra policy. |
I hate team productivity meetings. I almost always forget that there's no "shut your fat fucking face, retard!" in the word TEAM. |
Chiropractors: What's the chance of my cracking my own neck without having to poop in a bag strapped to my thigh for the rest of my life? |
Seriously, lady - if I wanted to hear about how you prefer to sleep with men half your age, wouldn't I just read your bio on MILF Hunter? |
@ShooterMcGavin3 Thank you, Freddie Mercury, for that always-welcome contribution to my assteem. |
On days like this, I'm grateful for my generous-sized ass. Nothing would be quite as unforgiving as slipping on ice only to land on bone. |
@GriffinClubMerv I think you can make this work for you. Just give a conspiratorial *wink* when you say King of Indoor Activities. |
@sukisusan Just make sure he doesn't squander it on comic books and gum. |
@badkitty_ If I could star it twice, I would. |
@TBMimsTheThird Oh snap -- ANOTHER SEAL HAS BEEN BROKEN! |
@sukisusan It's safer to just stay indoors today. And if anyone gives you a hard time about that honey, direct them to @GriffinClubMerv. |
@TBMimsTheThird Only if you called in gay yesterday, and you're talking about your anus. |
Oh, plucky receptionist with the dead front tooth, you inspire me. Mainly to brush my teeth, but regardless. |
@Maineman1 THAT. Is adorable. It almost makes me want to have kids. |
@johnroderick Your friend sounds as if he's either a crow or a Romanian orphan. |
@sloganeerist Note that I asked if 10 year old boys were "into" porn; not "in" porn. |
I can't wait to visit my sister in Vegas! Now that she's a cop, I can just prop up my dead hooker any old place like she's sleeping it off! |
@sloganeerist Good for a 10 year old boy that needs an unassuming book jacket for his porny mag. (Are 10 year old boys into porn yet?) |
I ALMOST replaced the lightbulb in the kitchen tonight. But, I changed my mind and drank some orange juice instead. Why? It's scurvy season. |
