7 days and $14,000 later, i remember: strangers crying on me then eating my food, a good photo montage, friends saving me, a flag for my mom about 9 hours ago from web |
«« Mom: "You don't think my sister is bossy, do you?" Dad: [blinks twice] »» I'm glad I was there for your last punchline, Dad. 1:21 PM Nov 30th from web |
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to achieve INBOX ZERO, simply set up an auto-reply to bounce back the original message prepended with "HAHAHA. Can you believe this idiot?" 4:39 PM Nov 24th from web |
Quick, someone register has24jumpedthesharkthisseasonyet.com...you may have only 90 minutes before needing to make the only update this year 5:35 PM Nov 23rd from web |
Having to go to sleep is such a rip-off. I wish our evolutionary ancestors got attacked more at night. 10:46 PM Nov 22nd from web |
"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him." Yeah, well, panda don't play that. See you when you're out of the hospital, kid. 1:55 PM Nov 22nd from web |
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Had lunch on Wall Street today while watching CNN ask: "THE END OF WALL STREET?" Hope not! It was good salad. 6:44 PM Nov 20th from web |
Can someone come get this potato? I have no idea what to do with it. 5:38 PM Nov 19th from web |
relieved that after 20 years complaining there are too many corny jokes in Bond movies, we can spend the next 10 saying there are too few 11:10 PM Nov 13th from web |
the best thing about going to a japanese bar is that you see what cellphones look like in the future. 8:37 AM Nov 8th from web |
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And he probably won't even sleep with the interns! 9:28 PM Nov 4th from web |
Things heard when checking whether it was safe to unplug my ears while Mom spoke: "I wish you...creative writing course...wasted talent..." 2:27 PM Nov 1st from web |
Mom, on some mild stalking among silver foxes in her town: "He left three messages on her answerphone!!" I suggested a firmly worded telex. 3:55 PM Oct 26th from web |
Spoiler alert: You spend your whole life planning the play, but it never opens, because your life is the play. 3:34 PM Oct 26th from web |
Somewhere between Game 6 and Game 7, this t-shirt ran out of luck. Sorry, Red Sox. 8:57 PM Oct 19th from web |
TBS fell asleep at the switch and game 6 of the ALCS is being played but not shown. steve harvey bowl. 5:23 PM Oct 18th from web |
Of all the changes, I am extremely upset about the loss of Target Disk Mode, particularly because I never got a chance to use it. 8:16 PM Oct 17th from web |