Hey there! AinsleyofAttack is using Twitter.
Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? Join today to start receiving AinsleyofAttack's updates.
|
I like the new holiday Gap ad, only I wish Janelle Monae's thighs could be purchased as earmuffs. |
"Have your dog photographed with Santa!" I have no idea why there aren't more dog mauling deaths in this country. |
For Dummies Books For Dummies: bullet points, confusing comics, high price tag, mascot cartoon with possible thyroid problem, yellow. |
Convinced him to role play that I was a one night stand. The sex isn't boring, I just want an awkward, free breakfast. |
@pagecrusher bought new glasses so large they could serve as goggles for my girl juice, if I had a Sally Jesse Raphael cunnilingus fantasy. |
Things hip by proxy now that the red-and-black checkered pattern is cool to the kids: lumberjacks, pizzeria tablecloths, the Purina logo. |
Women love self-involved assholes. It's either helpful or an insult when you figure that out over a year into a relationship with a girl. |
Automatic airport sinks were designed by a slapstick afficianado, a water-phobe, or E. coli bacteria. |
Oklahomans stare at me because they've never seen a girl simultaneously lacking in hairspray, breasts, a baby, Virginia Slims, and lipstick. |
Bound & Determined and Art School Slut are both expensive porn DVDs and an accurate description of my freshman year RA. |
Dammit. "November Rain" won't have the same dramatic impact now that it's seasonally inaccurate. Somebody pass me a Dr. Pepper. |
If there were a webcam in my shower, it would launch a genre: voyeur slapstick. Every time I shave my snatch I fall and smack my head. |
Hot Patagonia yippies make me want to cum on their North Face. |
Why doesn't somebody just integrate wild polar bears into ice hockey? That would generate interest. Same goes for New Jersey. |
I ain't country. Okies talk about pump jacks, cattle brands, and ranch hands, and I think they mean porn, shopping, and dismemberment. |
Now if only they could find a way to integrate Pepto Bismol into pie, I would truly have something to be thankful for. |
The one good thing about being in the South is that the men ejaculate marinade. |
Polite silence with elderly Southern strangers teaches us that dinosaurs were actually mistranslated fairy-tale dragons and Jell-O is tasty. |
I think I like Oklahoma because its horizon is the only thing on Earth that's flatter than my chest. |
Space on that flight was so limited, while adjusting my seat I accidentally finger-banged a stewardess. |
