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Disappointed that Luke won't get to be my flunky. Difficult to make someone your right-hand man after you've cut it off.
7:57 AM Nov 7th from twitterrific
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I wasn't around for the fabled celebration when the Empire fell, but I'm told it looked alot like what happened last night, Ewoks & all.
12:08 PM Nov 5th from twitterrific
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Had to return from a trip to the Outer Rim. Felt a disturbance in the Dark Side like millions of mavericks suddenly cried out...
11:31 AM Nov 5th from twitterrific
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Have honed my Force powers so that kids think I'm giving them Reese's & KitKats when in fact I'm handing out Smartees & dryer lint. Boo-yah!
10:48 AM Oct 31st from twitterrific
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Traded my lightsaber in for a shotgun and adjusted my O2 supply so I would fall asleep at important staff meetings. I'm all set.
8:24 AM Oct 30th from twitterrific
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Heard through the Imperial grape vine that Dick Cheney is going as me for Halloween. Funny 'cause I'm planning on going as him.
8:21 AM Oct 30th from twitterrific
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People are telling me my son has the hots for... his *sister*. Luke my boy, this is a galaxy far, far away, not West Virginia.
11:13 AM Oct 24th from twitterrific
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Just got my SMS Joke-of-the-day: "Whadda call a guy with no arms or legs who hangs on the wall? Art Vader!" Not. Funny.
9:02 AM Oct 22nd from twitterrific
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To all the wannabe Imperials who said Troopers don't have Force powers, true, but they do have something called a blaster. Try looking it up
12:50 PM Oct 21st from twitterrific
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To all troopers: When searching for droids with stolen Death Star Battle plans, check behind ALL doors, even the ones that are locked.
11:30 AM Oct 20th from twitterrific
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Best part about sending lackeys out for my lunch: The fun I get to have when they invariably forget I told them to hold the onions.
12:02 PM Oct 6th from twitterrific
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If you find yourself muttering "These aren't the droids I'm looking for." while watching the VP debate tonight, I'll have done my job right.
6:31 AM Oct 2nd from twitterrific
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Did I call a time out after my stupid son blew up the Death Star? Hell no! I took the boys to Hoth and laid the smack down. Feh.
1:18 PM Sep 24th from twitterrific
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