Return-Path: <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Received: from literacy (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by literacy.nifl.gov (8.10.2/8.10.2) with SMTP id e8U5p7910716; Sat, 30 Sep 2000 01:51:07 -0400 (EDT) Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 01:51:07 -0400 (EDT) Message-Id: <39D57D8F.423753FA@cwcom.net> Errors-To: alcrsb@langate.gsu.edu Reply-To: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Originator: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Sender: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Precedence: bulk From: Sue Taylor <m0199400@cwcom.net> To: Multiple recipients of list <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Subject: [NIFL-WOMENLIT:1029] Re: Teach! X-Listprocessor-Version: 6.0c -- ListProcessor by Anastasios Kotsikonas Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.7 [en] (Win95; I) Status: O Content-Length: 2577 Lines: 46 AWilder106@aol.com wrote: > OK, Jenny, now I've gone back to your note. Here is a big generalization, it > has to do with "normal." Survivors may not recognize "normal." I know you > know this, but I wanted to give an example, of course I could give you a > hundred examples from my own life, I'll just give one to show how out of > whack we can be sometimes. Today I was trying on winter coats. At one > point, I asked something like, "Can I try this one on?" And I caught myself > and thought Holy Toledo, there it is! Because I was in the store to buy, and > the saleslady was there to sell, and I was asking if it was all right to try > on a piece of merchandise. It was like I was asking an adult if it was all > right to do something, and I was a kid, and that wasn't the situation at all. But Andrea, I am not a survivor, thankfully, at least not a survivor of abuse, but I always ask to try on clothes in shops out of politeness. To me it would be abnormal, if not offensive, not to ask. Asking to do the obvious in these circumstances is not about being childlike but in understanding the role of the other. Too often shop assistants are negated - ask anyone who has worked in a store like I did in my student days. Asking to try on and other forms of politeness signals an awareness of the assistants' existence and right to dignity equal with that of the shopper. A similar situation. Some time ago I was invited ago by a teacher in our college's catering department to taste some of the biscuits (cookies) made by her group of adult students, many of whom had learning difficulties. I was there to award a small prize and had a clear role to play but I deliberately asked every student if I could taste their biscuits even though that was the reason why I was there. Maybe I am too polite.... but that is the why us Brits are. So, to return to your point about being normal, maybe the generalization should be that survivors are continually being forced, or are forcing themselves to question their sense of normality far more than do other people. Just a thought... But for some time I worked with dyslexic adults. They usually found it difficult to write automatically simply because they were monitoring every word just in case it was wrong - because so many words had been wrong in the past. It was though they could not believe that they could spell. A parallel perhaps? A final point - HAPPY NEW YEAR to the other Jewish members of this list - I shouldn't be writing this now but, how could I keep away from you all? Sue London, UK
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