Return-Path: <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Received: from literacy (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by literacy.nifl.gov (8.10.2/8.10.2) with SMTP id e8JLXh926504; Tue, 19 Sep 2000 17:33:43 -0400 (EDT) Date: Tue, 19 Sep 2000 17:33:43 -0400 (EDT) Message-Id: <003f01c02280$dac86ba0$0d00000a@deborah01> Errors-To: alcrsb@langate.gsu.edu Reply-To: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Originator: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Sender: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Precedence: bulk From: "Deborah Schwartz" <deborah@alri.org> To: Multiple recipients of list <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Subject: [NIFL-WOMENLIT:969] Re: Guilt, shame and alcohol! X-Listprocessor-Version: 6.0c -- ListProcessor by Anastasios Kotsikonas X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4133.2400 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; Status: O Content-Length: 9256 Lines: 187 Hi to all, Jenny, you shared with us that one of the ways you've worked in educational settings to shift violence is by setting guidelines of no put-downs including self-dissing. Then you ask us how we have tried to shift violence. I think what you've offered, though seeminly simple, is a really profound huge step, made up of a number of smaller ones. From my experience teaching in a woman-only literacy program, where 90% of the woman had experienced domestic violence, and most recently in a secure-treatement facility for teenaged "violent offenders," this step of creating positive, peace-full, supportive classroom guidelines is not always an easy one. I imagine that many other educators on the list serve have figured out how to start that process, and that it looks different for different learning environments, different students, and teachers. For many years, I was so unwilling to even hear say, racial or anti-gay slurs in my classroom, that I would impose a set of guidelines onto my students from day one. I always have felt that the pen is atleast as mighty as the sword, and the tongue, well it can be even sharper. In my classrooms I wanted to protect myself and my students from the hurts that come from put-downs, especially socially charged ones, maybe ones that we have heard all our lives and built some painful aspect of our identity around. More recently, I've realized that I have to build those guidelines out of the relationship I build with my students. For instance, when I worked with the guys (aged 14-18) at the lock-up facility last year, we had to work on violent language usuage really slowly. The first step was analyzing the use of the word or phrase and who was using it and how it had been historically used and was it being used in that way now, and what did the person actually mean who was using it and was there such thing as reclaiming a word that's been used against you, and maybe you were using it because you were angry or maybe because you were building alliances. This was not my agenda to look at these words closely, it was there's. And honestly, I have very mixed feelings about having to hear the words so often. For a while we agreed on a guide line that seemed to trigger an amazing amount of positive discussion. You could call someone else something, if you yourself were of that identitify and could define that words and that person in five positive ways. For instance, I could call one of the guys a "Jew," because I am one. Then I would explain why being Jewish was positive. Obviosuly this word-identity learning game wouldn't be appropriate or helpful in every learning context. But it did the trick in this classroom. We actually got to the emotional core-conversation about racism, gay-bashing, even woman hating.It took ten weeks of putting up with a lot of crass, socially-unacceptable words in my class, but by the end of the class there were changes in how they were thinking-- not just about words, but about power in the classroom, in the jail and in the world. We actually had to bring the words out in the open in order to understand their power and to think about if and how we wanted to use them. You've invited us to share some of our approaches or questions or concerns. I think it is really profound, for women, of all sorts- learners and educators-- to think about and stop the ways we put ourselves down. In the same way my male students looked at how they put eachother down. How else have folks figured out how to redirect negative, violent put-downs- self or other in classrooms? Thanks, Deborah Schwartz Adult LIteracy Resource Institue ----- Original Message ----- From: "Jenny Horsman" <jhorsman@idirect.com> To: "Multiple recipients of list" <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Sent: Tuesday, September 19, 2000 4:24 PM Subject: [NIFL-WOMENLIT:967] Guilt, shame and alcohol! > Hi all, > > I just had a chance to read my email and was fascinated by the array of > comments. In my other mail this morning I also got the latest Newsletter of > the BC Institute against Family Violence which had an interesting article > about emotional abuse and the Nunatsiaq News which had an article about the > way that references to traditional culture are used as a way to condone > men's violence against women in Nunavut today (Canada's new Inuit territory > in the Eastern Arctic). So now I'm reeling with a whole array of > intertwined issues churning through my brain....! > > Alayne Hamilton in the BCIFV newsletter argues that emotional abuse is an > assault on women's dignity and self-esteem which does not necessarily stop > when men stop physical violence (though she provides statistics to show that > it doesn't increase either) but is now more recognized as violence that must > also stop if women are to be safe. But she suggests that it is harder for > women to justify to "herself and others why she cannot continue to live with > relentless assault on her soul." > > The recognition that physical violence is not about a man being "out of > control" but is one aspect of his controlling behaviour usually embedded in > "a relationship of chronic and persistent disrespect" is crucial I think for > helping women too to see all forms of abuse as part of the picture of > control and to address the arguments around he didn't mean to hurt her/you > he was just drunk, had a hard day, you shouldn't have aggravated him, > forgotten.... etc. As many people have pointed out men rarely hit their > bosses or others in power because they are "out of control," they choose who > to hit and lash out at physically or verbally and women and children are not > the targets by accident. I'm curious whether any of you have tried to take > up understandings of issues of violence directly in educational programs and > if so whether you have seen men's or women's attitudes change? > > As Kim and Leslie point out women often see verbal abuse as normal and > acceptable. Sadly I think that can also be true for all forms of violence. > As I've been doing my research I have been disturbed by how often I have > been told that violence is simply ordinary and we won't change it. In my > latest research as I look at the factors that prevent us changing literacy > programs to respond to issues of violence I've begun to think of a discourse > (language and practices) of "this isn't really violence" as a major factor > in silencing efforts to draw attention to violence, to stop it, or to change > educational programs. I find Kate's reminder that in Canada attitudes about > smoking and drinking and driving have shifted hopeful for attempts to shift > attitudes about violence and a good reminder that people can be held > responsible for their behaviour even when they have been drinking. > Addressing attitudes of acceptance head on and asking WHY we come to think > this way is important I think. In classes I have been interested in the > power of creating an environment where everyone is valued, where one of the > basic ground rules is you can't put anyone down, including yourself, and > where every message is: you count, you have value, you have a right to take > up space. I think such an environment leads to questioning what is "normal" > and whether we want to accept "normal" violence anymore. I've found drawing > attention to the ways we often put ourselves down as particularly important > in causing everyone to stop and notice everyday language. What have others > of you found useful to help shift acceptance of any form of violence? > > Over and over again I've also been told that in some particular culture > violence is acceptable. Which culture is named changes depending on who I'm > talking with, so I found it interesting to read Rachel Qitasualik suggesting > that men use the argument that traditional culture accepts violence as > another way to control understandings and justify their behaviour. She > argues that women have to unite to fight against this misinformation and > insist that violence was not and is not acceptable. Where violence has been > accepted in the past, as in my own Anglo culture, I think we have to use > every argument we can to demand change. Thinking of Helen's disturbing > account of the violence women in Nepal experience at the hands of other > women as well as from men I am curious whether there are examples where > women have changed attitudes and behaviour. What examples of effective > local activism can the women draw from? The greater openness about violence > is interesting - perhaps it means their is less shame and silence to contend > with, but also more acceptance that it is the way it has always been done > and so must always continue. Yet I am given hope by the account that women > have had enough of self-expression and discussion and are demanding concrete > change, that they are on the way to finding power in group activism. > > There have also been several interesting comments and questions about > guilt - hopefully we can keep worrying at how that works too. How have > others found that guilt "works"? > > Great to have such a rich array of comments - hope some more of you will > join in with your own ideas and experiences. > Jenny > > >
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