THE LONE RANGER LAMENTS
By Park Ranger Oren P. Senter
'Twas once that I was happy,
My life was filled with cheer,
I never had seen Texas,
'Till the Park Service brought me here.
I've heard songs of her beauty,
Pretty girls and big strong men,
Rolling plains and majestic mountains,
Just heaven—from end to end.
The one thing that is certain,
Of this there is no denying,
The guy that started that noise,
Did a hell of a lot of lying.
Deep in the heart of Texas,
There is sand in all we eat,
The girls are all bowlegged,
The boys all have flat feet.
That's why they have to send me here,
To sit in sad dejection,
Out of this lonely desert,
For this park's protection.
No longer are we religious,
We drink, we fight, we curse,
No worry about going to Hell,
It can't be any worse.
Down here the sun is hotter,
Down here the rain is wetter,
They think it's the best state,
But there are forty-seven better.
Still there is no one to blame but me,
The Park Service never forgot it,
I asked for foreign duty, and
Believe me, By God, I Got it.