Offering support for people who are affected by the suicide of a family member or friend.
Each year in the United States over 30 thousand people complete suicide. Each of these deaths affects at least 6 to 10 family members and friends. In the state of Oregon and Clark County, Washington, there are over 500 deaths by suicide each year. To the general public these are only cold statistics, but to their families and friends even one death by suicide means a profound sense of loss, dreams that will never be realized, and future plans that are abruptly ended.
| Your life is forever changed. Grieving is the way you put your heart back together after it has been shattered. |
Information on this page
About SBS
Meetings
Library
Newsletter
Finances
Phone Support/Locations
ABOUT SBS
If you had a family member or close friend die by suicide, SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT can help. We are people like you who know the pain of an untimely death of a person close to us. We know the hard work ahead as we struggle to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. We have learned that feelings are not right or wrong, good or bad, weak or brave.
| Grief is like being on an unfamiliar road without a map. |
We have discovered through talking with each other that the range of emotions that we experience after the death of a loved one by suicide-anger, depression, shock, relief, sorrow, emptiness, guilt-- is normal. We struggle to be patient and kind to ourselves even when the world expects us to rush through to recovery. We have learned that sharing our grief with others and not keeping it a secret is more effective and not nearly so lonely.
When a loved one dies by suicide our life is turned upside down.
When you are sorrowful
Look again in your heart,and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. |
Relationships are cut off abruptly with no opportunity for closure -- no way to say, "I love you", "You are important","Wait for a change." Moreover, a husband or wife may be left with the immediate practical problems of being a single parent, and having limited income and energy to support themselves in their own healing and in dealing with their children's grief.
You may feel like you are going crazy. You are not going crazy. You are suffering with grief. Because you may not know anyone who has walked this road of grief after suicide, you don't know what to expect. And because most of your friends have not experienced a tragedy of this magnitude they will not know how to support you. They will want to hurry you through grief - to see you quickly resume a normal life.
Are there differences between grief after death by suicide and grief stemming from other causes?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
I don't know why...
I'll never know why...
I don't have to know why...
I don't like it...
I don't have to like it...
What I do have to do is make a choice about my living.
What I do want to do is accept it and go on living.
The choice is mine.
I can go on living, valuing every moment in the way I never did before.
Or I can be destroyed by it and, in turn, destroy others.
I thought I was immortal, that my children and my family were also.
That tragedy happened only to others...
But I know now that life is tenuous and valuable.
And I choose to go on living, making the most of the time I have. And valuing my family and friends in a way never experienced before.
-- Iris Bolton |
Yes. Grief following suicide is often more intense and prolonged than other experiences of grief. Guilt is usually more overwhelming. Feelings of isolation are common because of continued cultural stigma about suicide. The cause of death may be denied. Scapegoating and/or self blame may take place. Family relationships may be broken. Suicide is seen as an act of rejection or abandonment sometimes it appears that the suicide was a final, desperate act in response to intense pain. For a while the life of a survivor may become filled with a litany of remorse:
"if only I hadn't..." "Would she still be alive if I had ... ?" This litany is part of healing. Often the repetition of this litany ends with the realization that the suicide can only be partially understood.
MEETINGS
We know how important it is for bereaved persons to be able to talk about their loss with others who won't be uncomfortable if tears are shed and who won't change the subject after a few minutes of conversation. After words of welcome, introductions and assurance of confidentiality, a facilitator will guide the discussion for the evening. The topics are those that people attending the meeting are struggling with in their lives.
Meetings provide a supportive atmosphere, a place to learn about the grief process, a safe place to express feelings and discuss circumstances of the suicide, and finally, a place to receive hope. Because group members are at different stages in their grief, there is an opportunity to learn how others have coped with their loss.
The meetings are open so you are welcome to attend at any time. It is suggested that you attend at least three meetings before deciding if this is helpful to you.
Meetings are held monthly in Portland and Vancouver locations. Feel free to attend one or both of these meetings Call for times and places.
LIBRARY
Because we know that written information is useful, we offer resources that we have found helpful in our own grief work. At the meetings you will find a display of books, tapes and articles which are available for loan.
NEWSLETTER
A monthly newsletter designed to provide support and information will be mailed to you upon request. Please call and leave your name and address, and we will add you to our mailing list.
FINANCES
SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT is sustained through donations. There are no dues. Love gifts given in memory of your loved one are acknowledged in the newsletter. SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT is a non-sectarian, volunteer organization affiliated with Metanoia Peace Community, a non-profit, tax exempt corporation.
PHONE SUPPORT/LOCATIONS
Bereaved people are available to provide telephone support to help you through difficult days.
| Suicide Bereavement Support |
| Phone/Contact |
Location |
Claire Woodruff
503.236.8444 |
Portland
Meets 3rd Monday of each month.
Peace House
2116 N.E. 18th Avenue
Portland, OR 97212 |
|
Leslie Storm
503.740.1832
lstorm@orpartnership.org
|
Portland
Meets 1st & 3rd Mondays of each month
Oregon Partnership
6443 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Hwy
Ste 200
Portland, OR 97221
|
Claudia Edwards
360.642.2692 |
Astoria
Meets the 3rd Thursday of each month
555 Bond Street
Astoria, OR 97103 |
Karen
541.296.8850 |
The Dalles |
| 541.386.4997 |
Hood River |
| Darlene Baker 541-747-2087 darlene@jenniferbakerfund.org |
Eugene Meets third Wednesday or Thursday, alternating Call or email for location |
Contact
Oregon Public Health Division
Youth Suicide Prevention Program
email: Donna.Noonan@state.or.us
|
