Caring for Your Mind and Spirit
Many caregivers find that cancer causes them to look at life in new ways. They may reflect on
spirituality, the purpose of life, and what they value most. It is common to view the cancer
experience both negatively and positively at the same time. After treatment, you and your loved
one may struggle to understand why cancer has entered your lives. You may wonder why you have
had to endure such a trial in your life.
The way cancer affects one's faith or religion is different for everyone. Some people turn away from
their religion, while others turn toward it. It is common to question one's faith after cancer. But for
others, seeking answers and searching for personal meaning helps them cope.
Many caregivers have found that their faith, religion, or sense of spirituality is a source of strength
as they face life after cancer treatment. Many say that they have been able to find meaning in their
lives and make sense of their cancer experience through their faith. Faith or religion can also be a
way for caregivers and their loved ones to connect to others in their community who may share
similar experiences or outlooks, or who can provide support. Studies have also shown that for
some, religion can be an important part of both coping with and recovering from cancer.
Here are ways you may find comfort and meaning through your faith or religion:
- Reading materials that are uplifting to help you feel connected to a higher power
- Praying or meditating to help you feel less fearful or anxious
- Talking about your concerns or fears with a leader of your faith community
- Going to religious or spiritual gatherings to meet new people
- Talking to others at your place of worship who have had similar experiences
- Finding resources at a place of worship for people dealing with chronic illnesses like cancer
If you've been putting your own needs aside, this may be a good time to think about how you can
best care for yourself. Having some down time to recharge your mind and spirit can help you cope.
You may want to think about:
- Getting back to activities that you enjoy
- Finding ways others can help you
- Finding new ways to connect with friends
You may feel tempted to tell people that you and your
loved one are doing fine and don't need help. It may be
that you don't want to trouble people any longer.
Chances are that both of you are tired and are still
getting used to life after treatment. It may help to tell
others that you're still adjusting and let them know ways
they can help. Try to keep a support system made up of
people such as:
- Family and friends
- Members of your faith community
- Neighbors
- Coworkers
- Members of civic groups and associations
Think about what type of support would be helpful. Do
you need help from someone to do tasks? Or do you just
need someone to be there to listen while you talk? The
clearer you can be about your needs, the easier it is for
people to help you.
Small Things
I Can Do for Me |
Each day, try to take some time to
do something for you, no matter
how small it is. Some ideas include:
- Napping
- Exercising or doing yoga
- Keeping up with a hobby
- Taking a drive
- Seeing a movie
- Working in the yard
- Going shopping
- Catching up on phone calls,
letters, or e-mail
You may find that it's hard to relax,
even when you have time for it.
Some caregivers find it helpful
to do exercises such as deep
breathing or meditation.
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Family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers who stayed
away during treatment may now be willing or able to
provide you with support. You may find it helpful to talk
with someone who did not go through the cancer
experience with you. This could be a family member,
friend, faith or spiritual leader, counselor, or support
group member.
It's important to find ways to cope with your thoughts
and feelings. Would talking with others help? If so, it's
important for you to connect with other people,
especially if you want to say things that you can't say to
your loved one. Try to find someone you can really open
up to about your feelings or fears.
However, you may also need to be aware that others may
not be there to help. They may feel awkward about
helping or assume that you're getting back to "normal"
and don't need help any more. Or they may have
personal reasons, such as lack of time or things going on
in their own lives.
"What I need at least
once or twice a week is
to talk to someone or a
group of people who are
in the same shoes as
I am."
- Vince
Support groups can meet in person, by phone, or over the Internet. They can help you gain new
insight into what's happening, give you ideas about how to cope, and help you know that you're
not alone.
In a support group, people may talk about their feelings
and what they have gone through. They may trade advice
with each other and help others who are dealing with
the same kinds of issues. Some people like to go and
just listen.
If you feel like you would enjoy outside support such as
this, but can't get to a group in your area, try a support
group on the Internet. Some caregivers say Web sites with
support groups have helped them a lot. (See the
Resources section to find out how to contact
these groups.)
You may have used or looked into respite ("res-pit") care already. Even though your loved one has
completed cancer treatment, there may still be many caregiving tasks. Respite helpers spend time
with your loved one so you can rest, see friends, run errands, or do whatever you'd like to do. They
can be paid or volunteer. Respite services can also help with the physical demands of caregiving,
like lifting your loved one into a bed or a chair. If this service would be useful for you to start or
keep, you may want to:
- Talk with the patient about having someone come into your home to help out from time
to time. If you already have respite care helpers, talk about keeping them for a while.
- Ask the respite helpers what types of tasks they can do, now that treatment has ended.
- Get referrals from friends or health care professionals. Your local agency on aging should
also have suggestions.
Respite help can come from many sources:
- Family, friends, or neighbors
- Coworkers
- Members of your faith community
- Government agencies
- Nonprofit groups
Whatever you do, remember that it isn't a failure on your part as a caregiver if you need help. |
You may be feeling overwhelmed and feel like talking to someone outside your inner circle of
support. Some caregivers find it helpful to talk to a counselor, psychologist or other mental health
professional. Others also find it helpful to turn to a leader in their faith or spiritual community.
All may be able to help you talk about things that you don't feel that you can talk about with your
loved one or others around you. You also might find ways of expressing your feelings and learn
ways of coping that you hadn't thought of before.
After treatment ends, many caregivers feel the need to give back to others who are facing cancer.
They turn their energy to helping people in their community, joining support groups, or
volunteering with cancer organizations. For many, making a difference in the lives of others also
helps them to help themselves. For more information on ways that you can make a difference in
the lives of people with cancer, see the inside cover to find out how to request NCI's brochure,
Facing Forward: Ways You Can Make A Difference in Cancer.
Many caregivers find that writing in a journal helps them decrease negative thoughts and feelings.
Expressing things on paper may help you process what you are going through. You can write about
any topic, such as your most stressful experiences or something that is bothering you. You can also
write about the things that lift you up and bring you joy, such as a kind neighbor, a stress-free day,
or time spent with others.
Caregivers say that looking for the good things in life helps them feel better. They also try to focus
on the things they can control, rather than the things they can't. Each day, try to think about
something that you found rewarding about
caregiving. Or take a moment to feel good
about anything positive about the day - a nice
sunset, a hug, a good meal, or something
funny you heard or read.
It's okay to laugh. In fact, it's healthy. Laughter
releases tension and makes you feel better. You
can read humor columns, watch comedy shows,
talk with amusing friends, or remember funny
things that have happened to you. Keeping
your sense of humor in trying situations is a
good coping skill.
Worrying About Your
Risk of Cancer |
"Before my mom was
diagnosed with breast cancer,
I didn't think much about
my own health. But now
I'm worried because my
grandmother had breast
cancer, too. It's not only me,
but also my 10-year-old
daughter I'm worried about.
Shouldn't we both get
checked?"
- Jeanne
A blood relative's cancer diagnosis
may make you more concerned
about whether you will get cancer,
too. Most cancer is not passed
down through families. Only about
5 to 10 percent of the most common
cancers - breast, colon, and
prostate cancer - are inherited.
This is an important topic to
discuss with your doctor.
Your doctor will want to know what
types of cancer have been in your
family and which family members
had it. The more relatives you have
had with certain types of cancer,
the higher your risk. Talk to your
doctor about prevention
and screening.
If you have a strong family
history of cancer, you may
want to talk to your doctor
about whether genetic
testing is right for you. Some
people like to know this, so
they can get tests or cancer
screenings more often.
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