|
You and Your Friends
Having Fun and Making New Friends
Dealing With Hurtful Remarks
"I still see my friends, but
things are different now.
A lot of what they talk about
seems kind of lame. They are
into going to school dances
or to the mall. Sometimes
I feel like an outsider.
I worry a lot about my dad.
Stuff like who won the
basketball game just doesn't
seem important now. Then I
found out there was another
kid at school whose dad has
cancer. I have more in
common with him than I do
with friends I've known my
whole life."
- Hamid, age 15
Your friends are important to you, and you're important to them.
In the past, you could tell
them everything. Now
that your parent has
cancer, it may seem like
a lot is changing--even
your friendships. Here
are some things to think
about:
Your friends may not
know what to say.
- It is hard for some
people to know
what to say.
Others may think
it's rude to ask
questions.
- Try to be gentle on
friends who don't ask
about your parent's
cancer or how you
are doing.
- You may need to take
the first step.
| Try saying something like this . . . |
"Talking
about what's going
on with my mom/dad
is hard. I know that it's
not easy to ask questions.
Is there anything you
want to talk about
or know?"
|
Your friends may ask tough questions.
- You may not always feel like answering questions about your
parent's cancer or treatment.
- Try saying something like this: "Talking about what's going on right now is hard, but it's nice of you to ask. The doctors are saying: [add in you own information here]..."
| If you don't feel like talking, try
saying something like this . . .
|
"Thanks for asking
about my mom/dad
but would it be okay
if we talked
about this later?"
|
Your friends have their own lives.
- It may feel like your friends don't care anymore. It might
seem as though their lives are moving on, and yours isn't.
It can be hard to watch them get together with others or do
things without you. But try to
understand that they have their
own lives, too. They aren't
facing the situation you are
right now, so it may be hard
for them to relate.
|
You might want to try saying
something like this . . . |
"I miss
hanging out together.
I know that I've had a lot
on my mind since my dad
got sick. I'm glad
we're still friends.
Want to hang out
tomorrow?"
|
Old friends
Even though you may have a lot on
your mind, you can still get together
with your friends and have a good
time. If you can't leave home as much,
ask if your friends can come over. Take
time to relax. It's good for you. Make
a list of fun things you and your friends
like to do together. Then do them!
New friends
A lot is happening to you right now. Sometimes old friends move
on. You may not have as much in common as you used to. The
good news is that you may find yourself making new friends. Kids
who used to just pass you in the halls may now ask you how you
are doing. Kids who you used to be friends with may enter your
life again. Be open to new friendships.
Going to support groups at the hospital or clinic is a good way to
meet new friends. It helps to connect with people who are going
through some of the same things that you are. Try to do fun
things together. The break will be good for all of you!
Unfortunately, some kids may say mean things. Others speak
before they think and before they get the facts. No matter the
reason, it can hurt when kids make jokes or say hurtful things
about you, cancer, or your parent.
| What can you do? |
- Ignore the comment.
- Say, "Hey, my dad has cancer. It's not funny. How would you
feel if it was your dad?"
- Being bullied? Go to your teacher, principal, or guidance
counselor right away.
|
Back to Top
< Previous Section | Next Section > |
