Return-Path: <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Received: from literacy (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by literacy.nifl.gov (8.10.2/8.10.2) with SMTP id e8JAl7905994; Tue, 19 Sep 2000 06:47:08 -0400 (EDT) Date: Tue, 19 Sep 2000 06:47:08 -0400 (EDT) Message-Id: <39C6E753.F1F@mos.com.np> Errors-To: alcrsb@langate.gsu.edu Reply-To: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Originator: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Sender: nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov Precedence: bulk From: Helen <helen@mos.com.np> To: Multiple recipients of list <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov> Subject: [NIFL-WOMENLIT:962] Domestic violence and learning priorities X-Listprocessor-Version: 6.0c -- ListProcessor by Anastasios Kotsikonas Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.0Gold (Win95; I) Status: O Content-Length: 3201 Lines: 59 Hi everyone Interesting responses both through the listserve and direct. A few thoughts. First women here suffer domestic violence from several sources. On marriage they are usually adolescent and go through a from of "hazing" - they are tormented, ridiculed overworked, underfed etc etc - by thier new sisters-in-law and mother-in-law. They are expected to "prove themselves". Over time after they have produced kids and especially a son this abates. The damage though can be major. Nepal falls in the bottom ten countries in the world for safe motherhood. This period in women's lives when they become a wife - sister-in-law, daughter-in-law and young mother is often bad bad bad. It often results in maternal death or life long health complications. Women see the damage this causes but seem to accept it as a tradition. Breaking this through education and reflection may be possible. The alcoholism and physical violence is usually from husbands and usually sets in a few years later. Sometimes though young brides experience physical violence at the hands of other family members. In the Terai of Nepal and India this often stems from arguments over dowry but also when everyone places high expectations on the work burden she will take over and the contributions a new bride will contribute to the new family. Too often she cannot live up to these expectations and the results are violent. Suicides are a major cause of death for young women - both after delivery and at other times early in thier marriage. When over 95% of marriages are arranged a young women often has fairy tale expectations of marriage and the reality is a major shock. Support systems are few. Its almost a situation of survival of the fittest. What strikes me most though is the differences between cultures of the perception of violence and its impacts. In a group of women in a Nepali village most will be very aware of the violence another women in suffering. They will try to console her and help when they can. Women's groups often confront husbands and phyically intervene and rescue as they do in the West. They usually don't intervene however when a young bride is being ill-treated. I am not sure though as to how "shameful" being beaten is here. Certainly women are less likely to hide it from my experience. What though they are looking for is solutions. Magic answers. I doubt there are any. Like several of you responded - it's probably the men we need to be educating. True but it comes back to the issue of alcoholism. These same men would never hit thier women when sober. For me the dilemma is where and when to start. Literacy classes in Nepal are an important forum already to discuss violence. One lesson in the basic curriculum has the story of a drunken abusive husbands. This opens the floodgates. Two years later though the women I work with have been through lots of that self-expression and discussion. Nor they seek more concrete ideas and suggestions for changing the situation. They look to literacy/NFE classes which have helped in other ways and bought the issue up to now help take them the next steps. Forgive the long response Helen Sherpa
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