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This site is intended to be a resource to survivors of child sexual abuse and we hope it can be an aid in your recovery. SIA is responsible for the content of what you find here. However, SIA is not associated with, and takes no responsibility for the sites that provided the link to this site or published this address nor is it responsible for the content of their statements to the world.
Our best wishes to you on your journey. Recovery is difficult, but at least we now know that we are not to blame and we are not alone.
An Introduction to SIA
OUR WELCOME (read aloud at the beginning of many meetings): We welcome you to Survivors of Incest Anonymous and hope you will find here the hope, camaraderie and recovery that we have been privileged to experience.
We are a self-help group of women and men, 18 years or older, who are guided by a set of 12 Suggested Steps and 12 Traditions, along with some slogans and the Serenity Prayer. There are no dues or fees. Everything that is said here, in the group meeting or member to member, must be held in strict confidence. We do not have any professional therapist working in our group. SIA is not a replacement for therapy or any other professional service when needed. The only requirement for membership is that you are a victim of child sexual abuse, and you are not abusing any child.
We define incest very broadly as a sexual experience by a family member or by an extended family member that damaged the child. "Extended family" may include an aunt, uncle, in-law, step-parent, cousin, friend of the family, teacher, coach, another child, clergy or anyone that you were led to trust. We believe we were affected by the abuse whether it occurred once or many times since the damage is incurred immediately.
We learn in SIA not to deny, that we did not imagine the incest, nor was it our fault in any way. The abuser will go to any length to shift the responsibility to the defenseless child, often accusing the child of being seductive. We had healthy, natural needs for love, attention and acceptance, and we often paid high prices to get those needs met, but we did not seduce our abuser. Physical coercion is rarely necessary with a child since the child is already intimidated. The more gentle the assault, the more guilt the victim inappropriately carries. We also learn not to accept any responsibility for the assaults even if these occurred over a prolonged period of time. Some of us are still being sexually assaulted.
In SIA we share our experiences and common feelings. We realize that we felt we had to protect our caretakers from this horrible secret, as if they were not participants. We felt alienated from the non-abusive family members. Often, greater anger is directed toward them since it is safer to get angry at people we perceive to be powerless. We became caretakers in order to maintain an image of a nurturing family. Our feelings of betrayal by our families are immeasurable. We need to mourn the death of the ideal family that many of us created in our own imaginations.
In dealing with this pain, it feels as if we are pulling the scab off a wound that never healed properly, AND IT HURTS. However, it is easier to cry when we have friends who are not afraid of our tears. We CAN be comforted - that is why we are here. Our pain is no longer in vain. We will never forget, but we can, in time, end the regretting that accompanies destructive remembering. We can learn, One Day at a Time, that we are incest SURVIVORS, rather than incest victims.
OUR CLOSING (read aloud at the end of many of our meetings):
As we close this meeting, it is important for us to realize that no one here can tell us what we should or should not do. We must each decide our own course of recovery. In SIA we do not give advice. Take what you like and leave the rest. Let there be no judgment or criticism of one another.
Because we come together for support, it is important that we share, but let us always remember that what is said in this room must also stay in this room. Confidentiality is central to this program.
SIA is an anonymous program; therefore, we must remain unidentified at the level of press, television, radio and films. If we meet outside a meeting, we must not jeopardize anyone's anonymity by acknowledging each other as SIA members.
Regardless of who abused us, how often, or what the nature of the abuse was, know that we are where we belong. Most of us suffer with many of the same feelings and consequences as other abused survivors and we can offer each other support.
We want to remind those who have recently joined us at SIA that each of us is a creative, courageous and caring person. Each day we deal with our incest experience we will become stronger people, and we will come to recognize ourselves as survivors. We are sorry that suffering brought us together. We hope you will feel the love we already have in our hearts for you. We know your pain. We want you to believe that you are not to blame, and you are not alone. We have come to the awesome realization that our pain is temporary, but denial and its consequences are forever. And if any one of us can recover, then so can all of us.
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There are a lot of survivors in the world.
Please be gentle to the child within…
and remember, you are not alone.
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