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Overview
People cope with the loss of a loved one in many ways. For some, the
experience may lead to personal growth, even though it is a difficult and
trying time. There is no right way of coping with death. The way a person
grieves depends on the personality of that person and the relationship with the
person who has died. How a person copes with grief is affected by their
experience with cancer, the way the disease progressed, the person’s cultural
and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems, and
the person’s social and financial status.
The terms grief, bereavement, and mourning are often used in place of each
other, but they have different meanings.
Grief is the normal process of reacting to the loss. Grief reactions may be
felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death) or in response to
symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce or loss of a job). Each type
of loss means the person has had something taken away. As a family goes
through a cancer illness, many losses are experienced, and each triggers its
own grief reaction. Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or
emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety,
sadness, and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems,
changes in appetite, physical problems, or illness. Social reactions can
include feelings about taking care of others in the family, seeing family or
friends, or returning to work. As with bereavement, grief processes depend on
the relationship with the person who died, the situation surrounding the death,
and the person’s attachment to the person who died. Grief may be described as
the presence of physical problems, constant thoughts of the person who died,
guilt, hostility, and a change in the way one normally acts.
Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced and
mourning occurs. The time spent in a period of bereavement depends on how
attached the person was to the person who died, and how much time was spent
anticipating the loss.
Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss. Mourning is also
influenced by cultural customs, rituals, and society’s rules for coping with
loss.
Grief work includes the processes that a mourner needs to complete before
resuming daily life. These processes include separating from the person who
died, readjusting to a world without him or her, and forming new relationships.
To separate from the person who died, a person must find another way to
redirect the emotional energy that was given to the loved one. This does not
mean the person was not loved or should be forgotten, but that the mourner
needs to turn to others for emotional satisfaction. The mourner’s roles,
identity, and skills may need to change to readjust to living in a world
without the person who died. The mourner must give other people or activities
the emotional energy that was once given to the person who died in order to
redirect emotional energy.
People who are grieving often feel extremely tired because the process of
grieving usually requires physical and emotional energy. The grief they are
feeling is not just for the person who died, but also for the unfulfilled
wishes and plans for the relationship with the person. Death often reminds
people of past losses or separations. Mourning may be described as having
the following 3 phases:
- The urge to bring back the person who died.
- Disorganization and sadness.
- Reorganization.
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