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REMARKS BY:	DONNA E. SHALALA, SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES
PLACE:		Congressional Spouse Orientation, Washington, D.C.
DATE:		November 18, 1998

I call these lessons, "Donna Shalala's Ten Tips for Capital Living." And in the tradition of David Letterman's Top Ten list, without further ado, let me start with Tip Number 10:

Know where you are.

If you think getting to Washington was tough, try getting around Washington. The French have done a lot for America. They helped us beat the British, they gave us the Statue of Liberty and they made Jerry Lewis a hero. But they also gave us Pierre L'Enfant, who designed the layout of the city. He was either insane or evil. It's like a maze with no cheese at the end. A good rule of thumb is that the shortest distance from A to B never is. My advice is to get a Global Positioning Satellite receiver. Or take public transportation, and leave the road rage to the experts.

Which leads to Tip Number 9 -- Know who your taxi driver is.

. The taxis here are a good way to get around. They're also a good way to learn how to get around. Obviously, nobody knows the streets of Washington better than somebody who spends eight hours a day behind the wheel. And in many cases, your driver will be a Ph D. from a foreign country trying to make it in America. So as you learn about this city, you can also learn how to swear in Abnaki, Mundari or Urdu.

Tip number 8 -- Know where you belong.

When it comes to partitioning, Berlin and Bosnia had nothing on Washington. In Boston, they say the Lodges talk only to the Cabots, and the Cabots talk only to God. In Washington, everybody talks past everybody. And we all think we speak for God. If you're not sure where you belong, remember these general rules: The Democrats live in Northwest DC. The Republicans live in McLean, Virginia. Moderates are all over the map. But most people really live at the office.

Since everybody's always working, Tip Number 7 is very important -- Know who your friends are.

In ancient Troy, they said beware of Greeks bearing gifts. In modern Washington, we say, beware of geeks bearing gifts. That's Latin for "lobbyist." They're easy to pick out. They're the ones dressed in really nice suits and Italian shoes. And nobody is more anxious to be your best friend. Having a spouse in Congress means never having to say, "I'll get the check." Just remember -- there's no free lunch. And there are ethics rules.

If you're going to lunch, Washington is a great place to be. That leads to Tip Number 6 -- Taste the world.

Washington is an international city with some of the best international cuisine in the world. We have the best borscht outside Belarus, the best flan outside Florence and the best Chilean sea bass outside of Santiago. And if you're dying for a plate of rendered Manchurian toad fat, and you can't get to China, this is the place to be. Mark Twain once said, "part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

Tip Number 5 involves another kind of nourishment -- Feast your eyes.

You already know we have some of the best museums in the world right here. The East Wing, the West Wing and the Smithsonian are just the beginning. There are two advantages to this. First, all you need to get culture is a Metro pass, some shoe leather and maybe a pair of support hose -- whether you're a man or woman. You also need to know about perks -- access to VIP passes for White House tours. Particularly the passes to see the holiday decorations at the White House. Most importantly, you'll never have to worry about getting your out-of-town guests out of the house. You can always send them to the best mall in the world -- the one between the Capitol and the Washington Monument.

My next tip involves not the museums here, but the people. Tip Number 4 is -- Expand your mind.

I think of Washington as the city with three I's -- ideas, intellect and imagination. We attract some of the best and brightest people in America and the world. People who bring this city their home-town values and prime-time talents. The people in this room prove my point. And every year, we get a fresh crop of eager, energetic young people, just waiting serve the public, be a voice for the voiceless and change the world. They all seem determined to prove that John F. Kennedy was right -- that, "one person can make a difference, and everyone should try." To me, the constant influx of inspired young people makes Washington almost like a college campus, and anything but dull. They constantly refresh and reinvigorate this city. And your mind. So do the international residents of Washington. For those of you who will move here, make sure you accept invitations to embassy parties. They are fun. Do your homework. If your spouse's staff is any good, they can probably find out who is invited to the party you are going to. Sometimes who you are sitting next to. Washington has some of the most interesting people in the world. Living here is like looking at a Picasso painting -- it changes your perspective.

You'll need more than new perspective to take advantage of Tip Number 3. It's -- Learn the lingo.

There's an old saying in the Army: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't, pick it up. If you can't, paint it. But here in Washington, whether it moves or not, we give it a name that doesn't make sense. For instance, why do they call it the Department of Interior when they're in charge of everything outdoors? My staff doesn't even call me Secretary Shalala -- they call me "The Badger." Or "Badger One." We don't even call the President "the President." We call him POTUS, which stands for President of the United States. Hillary Clinton is FLOTUS, and Al Gore is V-POTUS. Socks, of course, is CO-POTUS -- "Cat of the President of the United States."

Tip Number Two involves something that even Socks is wary of. It's the media.

Apparently she runs under a car whenever she sees a reporter coming. Sometimes, I feel like doing the same thing. As opposed to the President's dog, who raced out of the White House one day and peed in front of the cameras. It's easy to make jokes about the media. Or blame the media. But I've learned to see the media like the weather. It can be harmful, like Hurricane Mitch. But it also can be very helpful, like crop-nourishing rains. In any event, it's a fact of life. So it does no good to be like King Lear, standing at the precipice in a storm, shaking his fist and railing at the heavens. I just remember that reporters are like alligators. You don't have to love them. You don't even have to like them. But you do have to feed them. In fact, taking the broader view is not a bad approach to dealing with the number-one challenge of Washington -- politics.

Which leads to my Number One Tip for Capital Living -- Be a good sport.

Like football, politics is a contact sport -- except that unnecessary roughness is not only legal, it's encouraged. But like any sport, it's not whether you win or lose. In politics, the best players are the ones who win and lose, and make the most of both. That's not easy if you're a football fan in Washington. The Redskins started the season losing 7 straight games. People started calling them the "Deadskins." Our women's professional basketball team had a similar record. But with a far different result. We have a brand-new team, the Washington Mystics. They just finished their first season last summer. Their record was almost humorous -- 3 and 27. They finished with the worst record in the Women's NBA. But you wouldn't know it going to the games. The arena is packed to the rafters. The floor shakes. The fans are screaming -- men, women, boys, girls, grandmothers and grandfathers. It's the best family entertainment in town. And at the beginning of every game, the team dribbles out and passes to a young girl -- a high school player. Going to a Mystics game is a lot like getting a shot of adrenaline on top of seven cups of Starbucks. Double mocha latte. The excitement is infectious. The experience is almost -- mystical.

Why are Washington fans so wild about the Mystics? Because in every game -- in spite of loss after loss - - the team still suits up, charges onto the floor and plays its heart out. Every game's a new game -- a new chance to win. I've learned this lesson in politics. Every day's a new day to suit up and charge the floor. You win. You lose. Sometimes in the same day. Sometimes at the same time. But you have to take the long view -- as Harold Wilson said, in politics, a week is a very long time. The real winners in Washington, those we admire most, those who accomplish the most for their constituents, their districts and the nation, are like Sisyphus, the figure from Greek mythology. They keep rolling that rock up the hill. And when it tumbles back, they keep on rolling. We also admire those who develop friendships across party lines.

You're all winners. I hope you seize on your service in Washington to make a difference in this city, in the nation, and in the world. As you begin you exciting journey here, I hope you all keep on rolling. Thank you.