Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service
Lesson
5
Sometimes
a family is like a circuit box. When too many things go wrong,
the circuits overload and throw a breaker. Here is a quick
activity to see how much stress your family is loading on
the circuits. Simply write in each slot something that is
causing stress in your family. Then read on to learn more
about family stress, how families can cope with stress, and
ways to bring out the strengths of your family.
Benjamin
Franklin said the only things a person can be sure of in this
world are death and taxes. It should be noted that a third
sure thing exists. This third reality is family stress
and it involves change. Children change, parents change,
often for the better. But you are also expected to endure
those not-so-pleasant life events such as death and illness
in the family. Certainly, these events bring about feelings
of hurt, frustration, anger, and depression. In the family
we may experience marital conflict, sibling conflict, or parent-child
conflict, all in response to family stress.
Usually,
discussions on stress have focused on a single person how
stress affects that person and how that person copes with
stress. But when considering family stress, you need to focus
on the total family and its ability to cope with stress. For
example, does the stress of an alcoholic teen affect just
that teen? No, it affects all members of that family, the
relatives, and possibly the community. If you focused only
on the teen, you would miss about 80 percent of the potential
stresses that could occur.
Family
stress can be defined as a real or imagined imbalance between
the demands on the family and the family's ability to meet
those demands. For example, if a family is forced to renegotiate
a home mortgage from 7 percent interest to the current market
rate, this could place the family under stress. There is a
real imbalance between the demand ,the current market rate,
and a lack of financial resources to meet that demand.
In the
definition of family stress, the demands in the family
are commonly referred to as stressors. A stressor is a
life event or transition that happens in the family. It can
be either positive or negative and can cause a change in the
family's coping pattern. Examples of stressors could be
an event like the birth of a child, drought, death, or divorce.
Other stressors could be a hardship such as increased medical
expenses because of a chronically ill child or a normal change
in a family member's development, such as a family member
becoming a teen or turning 40.
How
the family perceives the stressor will have a great effect on
the seriousness of the family stress. This perception reflects
the family's values and its previous experience in dealing with
change and meeting crisis. A family's outlook can vary from
seeing life changes as challenges to be met to viewing a stressor
as uncontrollable and the beginning of ruin for the family.
Families
also have resources for meeting the demands of a stressor. These
resources are a part of the family's ability to handle stress.
They include: family communication patterns, the family's ability
to solve problems, the goals of the family, money, relatives
and friends, and services in the community.
These
conditions:
- the
stressor event,
- the
family's perception of the event, and
- the
family's resources for dealing with the event all help to
determine how vulnerable a family is and its ability to
prevent the stressor from creating a crisis.
In some
families, stress may not reach a crisis because the family
is able to use existing resources and sees the situation in
such a way to prevent a crisis. For example, a one family
may experience a move as very stressful because it involves
emotional changes as well as physical changes. Another family
may view a move as a great opportunity for advancement and
"starting over." Some families who have moved often realize
there is a period of adjustment to a move and relax through
the process.
In other
cases, families may experience crisis. A crisis is a situation
in which the usual behavior patterns are ineffective and new
ones are called for immediately. A crisis provides families
with both dangers and opportunities.
Coping
Developing
skills to respond to crisis occurs over time. How families accomplish
this is called family coping. It is often the strength
of families.
Coping
is what one does with resources both from inside the family
and throughout the community. It is the action the family
takes to remove the stressor, live with the hardships, or
develop new resources in response to a crisis.
Try
completing Exercise 1 to find out about the strength of your
family's coping strategies.
Exercise 1-Coping
Skills for Families
Read
the list of family statements. Ask yourself, "How well does
this statement describe our family?" Rate each of the statements
on a 1-5 scale (1 = your family is weak in that area and 5 =
extremely strong). There is no definite score for a strong family
but items rated 1 or 2 should be discussed. After completing
this activity, read on to learn about managing family stress.
Weak
--------- Strong
| 1
| 2
| 3
| 4
| 5 |
1.
Our family does many things together.
|
2. Our family holds family meetings whenever necessary
or on a regular basis
3. We encourage family members to help each other whenever
possible.
4. Our family is a priority to our members.
.
| .
| .
| .
| . |
5.
Our family allows members to participate in activities
outside the family.
|
6. Our family members express appreciation to one another.
7. Our family tries to look on the bright side no matter
what happens.
8. A variety of feelings are able to be expressed in
our family.
.
| .
| .
| .
| . |
9.
Our family members are active in clubs or organizations.
|
10. We can count on family and friends for help when
needed.
11. Our family gets together with other families who
have the same lifestyle.
12. Our family is able to accept outside help when needed.
.
| .
| .
| .
| . |
13.
We ignore criticisms of others about how we "should" function
as a family.
|
14. We believe there are more advantages than disadvantages
to the way we live.
15. Our roles in the family are shared.
16. We believe that our lifestyle has made us better
people and a stronger family.
.
| .
| .
| .
| . |
17.
Our family doesn't let problems go unresolved.
|
18. We relieve tension through sports, exercise, jogging,
relaxing.
19. Our family tries to stay healthy by eating right,
not smoking, keeping active.
20. Our family has many hobbies to help us manage stress.
.
| .
| .
| .
| . |
Hamilton
McCubbin, family stress researcher at the University of Wisconsin,
states that families who do a good job of managing stress have
the following characteristics:
- They
do things as a family. They work hard at keeping the
family functioning. When under stress, it is very easy for
family members to withdraw from each other. Just because
families live under the same roof does not mean they do
things together. (Statements 1-4 in Exercise 1, Coping Skills
for Families, are examples of families doing things together.)
-
They build esteem in each other and themselves. They
show appreciation for each other and let other members know
they understand. It is very common for a family member's
self esteem to be affected when stress occurs. Families who
do a good job of managing stress take care of themselves
physically and mentally. They build their own self esteem.
(Statements 5-8 in Exercise 1, Coping Skills for Families,
are examples of families building esteem in each other.)
- They
develop social support within the community. Families
are better able to endure hardships if they reach out to
the community instead of becoming isolated from it. Meeting
new friends, joining clubs, using community facilities are
examples of utilizing community supports. (Statements 9-12
in Exercise 1, Coping Skills for Families, are examples
of developing social support.)
- They
enjoy the lifestyle they have chosen and can endure the
hardships of that lifestyle better than those who are not
satisfied with their current way of life. For example,
a homemaker who enjoys that lifestyle and is supported by
family and friends will feel less stress than the person
who would rather be away from home but for various reasons
cannot. (Statements 13-16 in Exercise 1, Coping Skills for
Families, are examples of accepting one's lifestyle.)
- They
develop and use a range of tension-reducing devices. Examples
are exercise, relaxation, a positive outlook, and keeping
involved in activities. These techniques help manage
the tensions and conflicts that are a part of family life.
(Statements 17-20 in Exercise 1, Coping Skills for Families,
are examples of reducing tension.)
Families
can decrease the effects of stressful situations by building
up their strengths. Learning to communicate with family members
helps in times of stress. Encourage talking and listening. Accept
each other's feelings, concerns, and ideas. Develop problem-solving
skills. Let each family member know he or she is appreciated
and loved. Being able to accept the support of friends and neighbors
can also help strengthen your family.
The
purpose of Exercise 2 is to help families discover the positive
strengths they already have.
Exercise 2-Our
Family Coat of Arms
Directions:
On a
piece of paper, copy the Coat of Arms below. Make one for
each person participating in the activity. Answer each one
of the questions with pictures. The pictures can be simple.
The
important thing is that each person knows what the drawings
mean. When everyone has completed all six areas, share your
drawings and their meanings with one another.
1.
What do you consider to be our family's greatest achievement?
/
/
/
/
/
| 2.
What three family activities do you enjoy doing?/
/
/
/
/
|
3.
What one thing could other family members do to make you
happy?/
/
/
/
/
| 4.
What three family rituals mean a lot to you?/
/
/
/
/
|
5.
What is something that our family improved over the past
two years?/
/
/
/
/
| 6.
What three words could be a family motto that we could
all believe in?/
/
/
/
/
|
"Our
problem is not doing things as a family; it is finding a time
when everyone is together." You may have heard this before,
or even said it yourself. It is a common complaint.
It might
be helpful to actually keep a record of how family members
spend their day. One way to find out is to keep a Week-at-a-time
Chart for everyone. It is similar to keeping a checkbook,
and it will show you how often your family is together.
Divide
the chart into seven sections, one for each day of the week.
Then divide each day into eight segments-6 a.m. to 9 a.m.,
9 a.m. to noon, noon to 3 p.m., 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., 6 p.m. to
9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to midnight, midnight to 3 a.m., and 3 a.m.
to 6 a.m. Have each person make his or her own chart. Then
simply keep track of how you spend your day. (This might have
to be done for younger children.) Pick a typical week not
when you have overnight guests or the kids are away at camp.
At the
end of a week, review all the charts carefully. You will be
able to see how your family spends its time and when you are
together. Seeing how often and when your family is together
may help you determine the types of activities appropriate
for your family.
.............
| Sunday
| Monday
| Tuesday
| Wednesday
| Thursday
| Friday
| Saturday |
6
a.m.- 9 a.m.
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| . |
9
a.m.-noon
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
|
. |
noon-3
p.m.
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| . |
3
p.m.-6 p.m.
| .
| .
| .
| .
| . | .
. |
6
p.m. - 9 p.m.
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| . |
9
p.m. - midnight
| .
| .
| .
|
| .
| .
| . |
midnight
- 3 a.m.
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| . |
3
a.m. - 6 a.m.
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| .
| . |
Are
you satisfied with your family time? Lesson 6 will provide
specific guidance and activities for enhancing family time
and building family strengths.
Study Questions
Lesson
5
From Family Stress to Family Strengths
- How
does the idea of family stress differ from stress as explained
in Stress Management For the Health of It (Lesson 1)?
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
- Why
is it that some families adapt to the stress of a move,
for example, easier than other families adapt?
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
- What
are the characteristics of families that manage family stress
effectively?
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
- What
is a favorite activity of your family that helps build family
strengths?
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
Study Answers
Lesson
5
From Family Stress to Family Strengths
- Family
stress refers to an imbalance between demands facing a family
and the ability of that family to handle the demands. In
other words, if there are more stressful events happening
to a family than the family can handle, family stress results.
Stress as defined in Lesson 1 means the "wear and tear"
on our bodies caused by the physical and mental adjustments
we make to living. In this definition, stress focuses
on an individual's reaction to stress.
- A
family that sees stress as a challenge, feels confident
in its ability to handle stress, has had success in handling
previous stressful situations, and has prepared for potential
problems will manage stress more effectively.
- (1)
They do things as a family; (2) They build esteem in each
other; (3) They "reach out" to their community; (4) They
enjoy their chosen lifestyle; and (5) They reduce tension
and conflict.
- Thanks
for sharing your ideas. If you haven't already mentioned
them, here are some others to try:
-
read a favorite book as a family,
-
sort old snapshots,
-
build a snow fort,
-
fly a kite,
-
get out the table games,
-
invest a few dollars in lawn game equipment,
-
take a family bicycle ride,
-
visit local historical sites.
Additional Reading
The
Joy of Success: How To Make Stress Work for You by P.
Hanson, M.D., Kansas City, Missouri: Andrews and McMeel, 1988.
Love,
Medicine and Miracles by B. Seigel, M.D., New York, N.Y.:
Harper & Row, Publishers, 1986.
Stress
and the Healthy Family by D. Curran, Minneapolis, Minn.:
Winston Press, 1985.
Reference
Family
Stress, Resources and Coping by H. McCubbin and J. Patterson,
St. Paul, Minn.: Department of Family Social Science, 1981.
Disclaimer
and Reproduction Information: Information in NASD does not
represent NIOSH policy. Information included in NASD appears
by permission of the author and/or copyright holder. More
NASD Review: 04/2002
This lesson was revised by Brenda J. Thames, EdD, Program
Development Specialist, and Deborah J. Thomason, EdD, Family
and Youth Development Specialist, Department of Family and
Youth Development. These materials were originally adapted
by Lucy J. Pearson from the "Stress on the Farm Home Study
Course" prepared by Randy Weigel, Marilyn Schnittjer, and
Barb Abbott, Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University
of Science and Technology. Printed on recycled paper with
soy ink The Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service
offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race,
color, sex, religion, national origin, or disability and is
an equal opportunity employer. Clemson University Cooperating
with U.S. Department of Agriculture and South Carolina Counties.
Issued in Furtherance of Cooperative Extension Work in Agriculture
and Home Economics, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914.
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