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Throughout the month of October, 2007, we enjoyed the REWARDS program "LAUGH FOR THE HEALTH OF IT!" Here is list of the jokes and health facts used during that program. ENJOY! ============================================================================================================== 1.
Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services 2004
Mar;42(3):18-25 2.
Humor therapy could one day be a part of preventive care. A good giggle helps
you: 3.
Stanford University psychiatrist Allan L. Reiss, MD, recruited 20 male and
female college students. Inside an MRI, the men and women looked at 70 cartoons
flashed on a small overhead screen and rated them on a funniness scale. When
the results came back, Reiss made an unexpected discovery: Men and women
process funny differently. The analytical region of women's brains was more
active than the men's, suggesting women studied the cartoons more. When they
found the cartoon amusing, the reward region of their brains lit up noticeably
more than the guys. 4.
Humor has been shown to boost brain-power and improve immune-cell function
(which can help ward off cancer). Not only that, but a positive attitude means
youre more likely to do healthy things like walk, eat cruciferous
vegetables and avoid saturated fats--three choices that substantially
help the chance of survival after a heart attack, stroke or cancer. So instead
of feeling blue, take charge of your life. 1. A husband feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to,
and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him
there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a
better idea about her hearing loss. 2. What do you call 10 rabbits walking backwards? ... A receding hare line! 3. What building has the most stories? The library, of course! 4. A frog walked into a library and asked the librarian what he would
recommend. 5. A young boy refused to do his homework, and his father was trying
to convince him to do it. He said to his son: "When Abe Lincoln was your age,
he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." 6. A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink.
Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?" 7. Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign
reading, "Danger! Beware of Dog" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a
harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked
the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" 8. At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old
baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? Do
you know what a team is?" 9. A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened
to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and
said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." 10.
Because he works in construction, my husband thinks he can figure out pretty
much any home repair himself. So after a wheel broke off the foot of our bed, I
was surprised when he asked, "Can you get me that fix-it book you bought?"
11.
Snail mail is really dead. Before I left on a trip to Alaska, I promised my
five-year-old grandson, "I'll write you a letter when I get there." 12. It was a hot morning in Tulsa when I drove past a house with a sad-looking guy sitting in front surrounded by a pile of stuff. A poster read "Garage Sale: 7 a.m. to 100 degrees." 13. As
manager of an electronics shop, I ordered a part, number 669, from the factory.
When it arrived, I noticed they'd sent me part 699 instead. I fired off an
angry letter and sent it back. A few days later, I got the replacement. It was
the same part, along with a note containing these four words: 14.
After inflating the playground balls, our school custodian, a classical music
fanatic, had an odd habit of writing the names of famous composers on them. No
one seemed particularly bothered by this behavior except for one parent
volunteer. 15. Our
day-care center spent time helping the kids memorize their home addresses. My
daughter, who was in my class, had her street name down, but couldn't remember
the house number. 16.
Outraged by the high fees her computer consultants charged, a friend asked my
dad which service he used. 17.
Hygiene is in the eye of the beholder, I've decided. One lunchtime I watched
the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread, and noticed
part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it. 18. My
friend's three-year-old came crying to her. 19. Our
cute little powerboat was sadly overshadowed by the sleek sailing craft that
had moored next to us. Its name was BAD NEWS, and I asked the captain how he
came up with it. 20.
What does it mean when you find a bear with a wet nose? 21. The
doctor's office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving at a snail's
pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly stood up and started walking
toward the door. 22. On
a long journey, the very thirsty Sirs Lancelot and Galahad stopped at a
roadside lemonade stand. The owner served Galahad but refused to give Lancelot
a glass. 23. The
kids had been begging for weeks, so their mom finally gave in and bought them a
hamster. But just as she had feared, she was the one who wound up taking care
of it. 24.
When my son Michael was in grade school, he had to write a biography of his
parents. When I read what he'd written about me, I was impressed with his
vocabulary. It said, "My mom has blue eyes and chestnut hair." 25. For
all those people who know there's something wrong with their cars but have no
clue what the problem is or how much it'll cost to fix, here's a chart from my
mechanic's garage, along with prices:
26.
Working on a computer all day has definitely messed with my girlfriend's view
of reality. We had just placed our lunch order, and as our waitress walked
away, she slipped in a wet spot on the floor. 27. Our
routine was always the same when unloading the delivery truck for our
department store: clothes in the morning and special orders in the afternoon.
That wasn't good enough for one antsy customer. He wanted his special-ordered
pool table that morning. 28. A
computer-illiterate client called the help desk asking how to change her
password. 29.
Days after I moved into a new condo, my neighbor came over to welcome me. At
the end of her visit, she said, "By the way, my husband said he'd give you $20
for your wind chimes." 30. Heating water for pasta, I kept checking to see if it had begun to boil. My 12-year-old son shook his head. "Stop doing that, Mom. It's like that saying: "A watched website never loads.'" 31. A
woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I
couldn't help notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a
long and happy life?" 32.
"All you idiots fall out!" shouted the sergeant at the soldiers standing in
formation. 33. A
man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four
thousand dollars, but it is state of the art. It's perfect." 34. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it is called golf. 35. A
Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen
are waiting. 36.
Three women, obviously old friends, had just finished having dinner at a
restaurant. When the waiter came with the bill, one woman said, Give it
to me. 37. "Laughter is an instant vacation." Milton Berle Created November 2007 |
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