Teaching Your Son or Daughter How to Say "No"Peer pressure is real and can be very strong. Parents can help their kids to have a strong voice. Pre-teens and teens don’t want other kids making fun of them. Even kids that want to make good choices about sex, drugs, alcohol, and smoking can find it tough to say “No” to friends. So it is very important to teach your child how to say “No” in a nice but firm way. Pre-teens and teens may not always be able to tell when a situation is really "peer pressure." As a parent, it is important to talk through these situations with your pre-teen or teen in different ways they can relate to. Teach your child to say “No” the “N.I.C.E.” way. 19 - N – Say “No,” not “Maybe” or “Later.” Help your pre-teen or teen know what he or she can and can not do and teach your child to be decisive. Help your son or daughter make a decision early to not have sex. That will make it easier for your son or daughter to say “No” when pressure comes.
- I – Follow with an “I” statement: “I'm not going to have sex until I marry,” or “Sex isn’t part of my game plan right now.” Similar statements can be used for drinking or other unhealthy behaviors.
- C – If pressure continues, “Change.” Teach your child to change the topic – “Did you see the game on TV last night?” Or change who they are talking to – “Julie is over there; I need to ask her something.” Or change the location – “I’m going back into the kitchen.”
- E – If these things don’t help, your child needs an “Exit” plan. They should leave the situation right away. If they don’t have a way home, they will need you or some other adult that they trust to pick them up. It’s a good idea to have a pre-arranged code phrase like, “Is that a dog barking?” which means “Come and pick me up. And hurry!”
To help your son or daughter remember these steps, practice. Ask your pre-teen or teen what they would do if they were in all different kinds of uncomfortable situations. “What would you do if…?” Listen to what they say they would do if they were pressured to have sex, drink, use drugs, or smoke. You can give them some advice on what to do in tough situations and remind them you will be there to help them if they need an “Exit” plan. Remember, if your teen chooses good friends and follows house rules, they won’t find themselves in uncomfortable situations very often. Also, teach your son or daughter how they can show affection and caring without having sex. Let your pre-teen or teen know you want them to make good choices because you want them to reach their goals and have a great future. A very good resource for parents is a Web site created by the Office of National Drug Control Policy called www.theantidrug.com. It has a lot of good information that can help parents teach their children how to make healthy choices. Last revised: May 28, 2008 | 
