Some Good Ways to Talk

Want your son or daughter to know your values and beliefs about sex? It’s simple – tell him or her. If you can do a good job talking with your son or daughter, and building a strong relationship, you can help keep him or her safe and healthy.

The two most important things to communicate are:

“I love you and will always love you.”
“I have expectations for your behavior.”

Here are seven important parts of the many conversations you will have with your son or daughter. For each, we point out the right way and the wrong way to communicate.

The Right Way	The Wrong Way
Address the problem – talk about the issue, the problem, the behavior, and the decision.	Attack the person – Make your son or daughter feel you think there is something WRONG with him or her.
Make eye contact and pay attention to what your son or daughter is saying.	Sit or stand in a way that looks like you are not paying attention, don't care, or don't value what your son or daughter has to say.
Listen when your son or daughter speaks.	Interrupt when your son or daughter speaks.
Point out good things about your son or daughter.	Point out bad things about your son or daughter.
Be firm and clear in telling your son or daughter what you believe.	Tell your son or daughter different things when you talk at different times. Make it sound like your values have changed.
Let your son or daughter know you want to hear what he or she has to say.	Do or say things that make your son or daughter think you are not interested in his or her thoughts and opinions.
Clearly state your expectations. Setting expectations for your son or daughter's behaviors lets them know you believe they can make smart and healthy choices.	Do not let your son or daughter know your expectations. Your son or daughter will not know what you think is right or wrong.

We know it can be hard to make time to talk with your son or daughter. That's very true if you have to work a lot. But do the best you can. Give your son or daughter as much of your time as you can. Remember it's not just talking. It's being available for you child, pre-teen, or teen.

One other thing: when you see your children do something right, tell them. They'll be more likely to do it again.

To learn more, visit Enjoying a Good Relationship with Your Son or Daughter.

Last revised: August 05, 2008