What if My Son or Daughter Tells Me He or She is Gay?

Sexual orientation is an issue that has become more visible in public debate, the media, and often in school curricula. As such, your son or daughter is certain to hear about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender persons at some point.

Here are some suggestions for talking about these topics with your son or daughter:

Think through your personal views on this issue before discussing it with your son or daughter.
Address this issue in an age-appropriate manner, possibly when you are discussing other sexuality issues.
State your beliefs and values clearly and calmly.
One way to discuss difficult issues with children, pre-teens, and teens is to ask them what they've heard. Often, young people misunderstand what they hear and an open dialogue can help clarify issues - for both of you.
Your discussions should take into account your child's concept of sexual orientation.

If you believe your teenager may be gay, or is experiencing difficulties with gender identity or sexual orientation, consider the following points:

All children, pre-teens, and teens need to feel accepted and loved. Remember, your son or daughter is probably very scared about having this conversation with you. Accepting your son or daughter can help lead to strong, life-affirming relationships in the future.
Some teens who question their sexual orientation are at increased risk for depression, attempted suicide, or other problems.⁶²^{, 63}
Some parents need help in understanding and communicating with their son or daughter. You have made a great step in this direction already by visiting this Web site.
Counselors and other health professionals may be helpful for both teens and parents when addressing difficult issues.

Last revised: May 28, 2008