The W.I.S.E. Way to Raise Kids
Anytime you need to talk to your son or daughter about important issues, you want to be prepared. Here are four tips that are easy to remember because they spell “wise.”
"W" is for Welcome. No one enjoys dinners, activities, or conversations that are tense. Your son or daughter needs to feel your love and to know that you care and look forward to talking to him or her. They need to feel secure talking to you. Most importantly, your child is more likely to talk and listen to you if neither of you is angry or upset
Talking to Your Pre-Teen or Teen About Waiting is filled with tips for parents about talking with their child, pre-teen, or teen in a welcoming way, about any tough topic.
"I" is for Interest. Show your interest by asking questions in a comfortable way.
Adults generally introduce topics gently when they are talking to other adults but sometimes aren't so gentle with their own children. For example, don't warn, "You'd better not be having sex!" Instead, ask, "Do you think there is a lot of pressure to have sex at your school?" This can start the conversation, and then you can tell your son or daughter your values.
Here are some suggestions for how to bring up tough topics:
- Start with a general question or observation.
- Let your child be the expert on his or her world.
- Ask about peer pressure.
- Ask how you can help.
For example, ask your teen: "Is there someone you really like?", "What kinds of things do you do together?" "Are you ever alone together?" "Have you ever felt pressured or wanted to have sex?" "If you've felt pressured or wanted to have sex, how did you handle that?"
"S" is for Support Good Goals. When your son or daughter has goals for the future, he or she is more likely to make good choices. Do you know what your children, pre-teens, or teens' goals are? What do they hope to accomplish in the coming year? When they are an adult? Ask them about their goals for jobs in the future and what their plans are to get ready for them. Ask what their goals are for marriage, family, and a career.
Most importantly, listen carefully to your son or daughter.
Help your child to develop the values of honesty, responsibility, and caring. Remember, values about education, marriage, and trust are more easily "caught" than "taught." You and your behavior are the most valuable "values" educator!
"E" is for Encourage, Educate, Empower and Expect. Educate and encourage your son or daughter to make healthy decisions. When topics come up about sex, don't think that you need to know all the answers. Just be honest when you don't and offer to help find out the facts for them. This Web site can help you. Sex and Risky Behaviors has lots of information to make you just "expert enough" and Sexual Development and Reproduction provides lots of information about topics like puberty, the reproductive system, and pregnancy.
Effective parents not only teach and encourage their children, but they also set high expectations for them and clearly communicate those expectations.
Effective parents also set limits. Talking to Your Pre-Teen or Teen About Waiting has information about topics like setting house rules.
Last revised: May 28, 2008
