Quora

Shy away from questions that can be easily answered by a few minutes of reading the company’s website

Answer by Edmond Lau, Engineer at Quip, on Quora.

“What questions can I answer for you?” I asked the interview candidate. We had finished working through some technical problems, and I was ready to gauge his curiosity and passion toward the product, the team, and the mission.

“I don’t really have any,” he replied.

Apparently, he already knew all there was to know about the company after a couple of interviews, and there was nothing more I could add. It was the weakest reply he could’ve given if he wanted to show excitement for the job, and yet, he wasn’t the only smart person I’ve interviewed who’s given that response.

I’ve interviewed roughly 500 people in the past eight years, across Google, Ooyala, and Quora, mostly for engineering positions, but also for positions in management, data science, and product. In nearly every interview, I offer candidates a chance to turn the tables and grill me on questions.

The strongest candidates respond with curiosity. They want to know what the company culture is like, how teams go about shipping projects, what challenges the product faces in the marketplace, what aspects of the work environment can be improved, and what’s being done about them. They would fill the entire interview with questions if I let them. They’re not just looking for objective answers — they’re also curious about how my viewpoints differ from those of other interviewers.

The weaker candidates mistakenly assume that answering the technical questions correctly is all that matters in an interview. That’s important, but technical competence is just the table stakes. Interviewers adopt a much more holistic view of someone’s interview performance.

It’s not hard to understand why — if I’m going to be working with you for 40+ hours per week, whether you can figure out the correct answers to problems we might encounter is only one factor out of many. I’m also evaluating:

• How well you handle feedback or criticism.
• How quickly you can reason about a problem.
• Whether you’d be a good culture fit for the team.
• What gets you excited about the mission and the product.
• How well you communicate.
• Whether we can work through hard problems together.
• Whether your skill set complements what we already have on the team.

When interviewing for a job, don’t think in terms of the fraction of questions you can answer correctly — that alone won’t differentiate you from the rest of the applicant pool. Instead, focus on all the various ways that you can add value to the team and how you can effectively communicate that value to your interviewers.

Maximize the Signal-To-Noise Ratio

In an interview, you only have 30 minutes to an hour to impress your interviewer. And the more value that you can convey per minute in the interview, the more likely you are to succeed and get the job.

As an interviewer, I optimize for questions with a high signal-to-noise ratio, ones that reveal a large amount of useful information (signal) about the candidate per minute spent, with little irrelevant or useless data (noise). I’ll spend some time firing away questions to probe a wide surface area, hone in on any warning flags, and spend energy guiding the flow of the interview whenever we hit an area with diminishing returns.

Interviewing, however, is an imperfect science. And as an interview candidate, you can increase your chances by nudging interactions in the right direction. If you want to distinguish yourself from the other 99% of applicants, your guiding principle should be to maximize the signal-to-noise ratio of your interactions with recruiters and interviewers.

That principle carries throughout the interview process, starting from your application. Jobvite provides recruiting software to its customers, and according to one analysis conducted across 600+ customers, only 7% of job applicants come from referrals, and yet referrals account for 40% of total hires. [1] [2] The conversion rate from referrals is so high because having someone (or a connection of someone) on the team vouch that you’ve been awesome to work with in the past provides a much higher signal than a few hours of interviews. Your resume is likely to get fast-tracked rather than just sit on the pile, waiting to be discovered. Given the value of a referral, if you don’t know anyone at the company, it’s worth trying to go through a friend, a friend of a friend, LinkedIn, Quora, or any other network to make the initial introduction.

Once you’ve secured an interview, the signal-to-noise ratio guides your interview mechanics. Sharing your thought process as you’re working through a problem, for example, is valuable because you convey a non-zero amount of signal to your interviewer. I get to learn how you reason through problems, how well you communicate, and which parts you excel at or struggle with — signals that I wouldn’t get by watching you pensively stare off into space.

The principle should also guide the tools you use to tackle interview problems. Someone asked on Quora a while back whether interviewers frowned on candidates who use Python or Ruby to solve interview questions. Seen from the perspective of maximizing the signal-to-noise ratio, it’s easy to understand why using Python or Ruby might actually be preferred.

Languages like C, C++, or Java tend to be significantly more verbose than more productive languages like Python or Ruby that come with more powerful built-in primitives like list comprehensions, lambda expressions, or destructuring assignment. Research by Prechelt compared 80 implementations of the same set of requirements across 7 different languages and found that solutions written in C, C++, and Java were on average 2-3x longer in terms of non-comment lines of code than scripting languages like Python. [3] Most candidates I’ve interviewed who code in C, C++, or Java therefore start out at a disadvantage — they need 2-3x the amount of time to convey the same information as someone who uses Ruby or Python. Each minute spent writing boilerplate code for a less productive language is a minute not spent tackling the meatier aspects of a problem and not conveying useful signals to the interviewer.

There are exceptions, of course. If you’re interviewing for a position that involves kernel programming, low-level systems, or iOS and Android development, you might convey more signal by using a language like C, C++, Objective C, or Java because it’s more similar to what you’d be doing on the job. At a more established tech company where code is written in C, C++, or Java, the ability to use one of the company’s standard languages may also provide a signal that interviewers care about. Ultimately, your choice of programming language, like any other decisions during your interview, is important to the extent that it affects the speed with which you can solve problems and provide the interviewer with useful signal.

Assuming you’ve handled the technical questions well, the signal-to-noise ratio also explains why it’s important to ask your interviewer questions. Asking good questions is one of the few opportunities you have to demonstrate your curiosity and excitement for the team and the product and to signal what you actually care about in a job.

What to Ask Your Interviewer

So what questions should you ask your interviewer when it’s your turn to grill him or her on questions?

Shy away from questions that can be easily answered by a few minutes of Googling, reading the company’s website, or using the product (if it’s a consumer product). Those types of questions signal laziness. If the company builds a web or mobile consumer product, you should have done your homework and already tried out the product prior to the interview – it still surprises me how often I’ve interviewed candidates who never even tried out the product they’d be working on and yet expect that they’d be able to get the job.

Instead, focus on questions that the interviewer can uniquely help you to answer. For example, you might ask them to help paint the picture of what working at the company is like:

• What’s your typical work day like?
• What’s the process of taking an idea you have from an inception and shipping it to production?
• What fraction of your time is spent building new things versus maintaining old ones?
• How do product/business/engineering decisions get made at the company?

Or focus on the team culture:

• What’s one thing you really like about working at the company and one thing you’d like to improve? What’s being done about the thing you’d like to improve?
• What are the core values of the company, and what are some examples of how they’re reflected day-to-day?
• How would you describe the culture of the company?

Or dive deeply into one aspect of the product that you’re curious about:

• How did this particular product feature get designed and launched?
• Why did you decide to launch this particular version instead of this other one?
• How has the product evolved since launch based on user feedback?

Or ask about growth opportunities:

• What’s the most unexpected lesson that you’ve learned on the job?
• What is the onboarding or mentoring process like (if any) for new hires?
• What opportunities have you had to work with different people and projects during your time at the company?
• How is knowledge across projects documented and shared at the company?

Or learn about the challenges that the company is facing:

• What are the biggest obstacles to this company becoming massively successful?
• What are the current priorities and focus areas at the company?
• Where would I be able to add the most value?

Given the endless array of questions, the next time someone asks you if you have any questions in an interview, be prepared with an answer other than “no.” Ask ones that can provide you with a lot of signal, as they’ll also signal to your interviewer that you’re thinking hard about the opportunity.

This question originally appeared on Quora: What should one say when the interviewer asks “Do you have any questions for me?”

Facebook is ubiquitous, and it is an easily accessible and common search engine

Answer by Adam Nash, President & CEO of Wealthfront, on Quora.

You might find this answer surprising, especially from a former executive at LinkedIn (I’m currently the CEO at Wealthfront). But the short answer is, yes, in many cases, there is a professional necessity for Facebook.

Let me first get my obvious bias out of the way. As one of the people who had a hand in building out LinkedIn, I truly believe that there is a valuable and natural separation between your professional identity and your personal identity. As a result, I would counsel any professional to take great care in how they present themselves on LinkedIn.

However, Facebook is ubiquitous, and it is an easily accessible and common search engine for people. It is well indexed in search engines like Google.

Chances are, if someone is looking for information about you, as a professional, they will definitely see your LinkedIn profile. There is also a strong chance they will end up looking for your Facebook profile as well.

Why?

A few reasons really:

• Completeness. It’s easily accessible and fairly common. It feels like a reasonable part of due diligence.
• Curiosity. Facebook plays strongly to our curiosity to know more about people. The fact that there is a strong personal/professional split can make people distinctly curious about your split.
• Psychographics. Whether correct or incorrect, by looking at your social behavior on sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Pinterest, other professionals may believe they can get a better sense of who you are as a person.
• Transparency. Finding a Facebook profile reassures others that you have “nothing to hide.” In a world where Facebook is ubiquitous, not finding a profile or not finding sufficient information may inadvertently beg questions.

Facebook offers quite a few tools to control privacy and sharing. A few recommendations to consider:

• Tightly Control Your Public Profile on Facebook. To the extent you can, make sure your public profile on Facebook (including public shares and photos) are carefully curated to present the image you would be comfortable with a business partner or colleague seeing. This doesn’t mean hiding your humanity, but it likely means publishing only a limited amount that frames who you are.
• Don’t Make Personal Squabbles Public. Too many times, relatively well-behaved adults present a poor version of themselves when they get into arguments in the comments on Facebook posts, not realizing those comments appear on a public share of a friend. My advice? From a career perspective, save arguments for private messages and other communication. Assume that every comment you make on a Facebook share could be public.
• Watch for inconsistency. When people view multiple social profiles, inconsistency (or worse, hypocrisy) tends to stand out. Presenting yourself as serious and hard-working on LinkedIn, while portraying an active and wild night-life on Facebook will beg questions.

As a final note, Facebook is most useful professionally as an alternate messaging platform for close friends & colleagues. We live in a world where many people split their attention across too many communication channels.

As a result, I now know people who only reliably respond to text messages, answering in minutes where an email will sit unanswered for days. I know people who only respond to DMs on Twitter, or messages on WhatsApp. I also know people who only respond reliably to messages on Facebook.

So if your goal is fast and efficient communication, it’s worth having a channel to your friends and colleagues who prefer Facebook (even if you don’t.)

Necessity is a strong word. You can obviously succeed professionally without Facebook. However, I would argue that using Facebook effectively has distinct value as a professional and there are situations where it can be considered a necessity.

This question originally appeared on Quora: Professional Networking: Is there a professional necessity for Facebook?

Building a network of effective relationships

Answer by Balaji Viswanathan on Quora.

Basic Skills

These are things everyone needs to master, regardless of their roles.

1. Listening: This is one of the foundation skills most of us never really master. Listening is fundamental to learning and maintaining relationships. 8 Ways to Master the Art of Effective Listening
2. Observation: How good are you in paying a close attention to the world around you? Knowledge relies on observation. Without a keen sense of observation, it is hard to move up in any career path. Gain an edge by improving your observation skills
3. Writing: Most often people send me resumes and cover letters with horrible structure. They get instantly tossed out. It is sad that while 12 years of schooling stress so much on writing, most of us still don’t pay attention to mastering it.
4. Networking: Building a network of effective relationships is an amazing skill. Networking is not about partying with a whole lot of classmates. It is about building a professional relationship with a diverse group of people & making meaningful connections. It involves understanding people, remembering their needs and connecting them with the right people. Networking Is Not Working: Stop Collecting Business Cards and Start Making Meaningful Connections.
5. Presentation: Can you present an idea well? It involves both speaking skills as well as the art of simplifying things. Presentation Zen: Simple Ideas on Presentation Design and Delivery
6. Read & follow instructions: This is another skill that we seem to be completely losing. Can you read a manual and follow instructions?

Specialized Skills

1. Sales: Are you the kind of person who can understand a product, connect with the right customer, build trust and convince them to do the right thing? Sales is an amazing skill to have [and a high paying one too] and the master entrepreneurs — Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were fine salesmen. If you are still in college, start selling something. Keep refining this art.
2. Design: Can you design things in a way it makes things logical as well as aesthetically pleasing? If you have an eye for design, you could learn User Interface. At a time when companies are competing on design and delivery, it would be an amazing thing to have.
3. Systems Engineering: Are you very hands-on in IT and can fix things? Do you have the patience to read through the manual and try out different solutions? Enterprise IT departments are always hiring.

There are hundreds of such skills — ranging from physical therapy to financial analysis that still pay a lot. Start from this page: U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics — Use the controls at the top and play around with the parameters. Click through specific career paths. Although the jobs are US centric, the skill sets are broadly applicable.

This question originally appeared on Quora: Are there skills other than coding that I can learn to get a good salary job?

Listen and ask questions

Answer by Mira Zaslove on Quora.

The best way to handle criticism depends on the type of criticism. And who it’s coming from.

Generally, there are 3 types of criticism. The way you handle the feedback will depend upon the situation. And your temprament.

1. Constructive feedback

When starting something new, you will inevitably get feedback. And if you are asking the right people, some feedback will be negative. People who are knowledgeable and care about you, will be honest. And the more they know, the more negative they may seem. It’s hard to do, but listen. It’s much better to deal with criticism early, when you can do something about it, rather than later, when it may be too late.

Also, people who only flatter you, are not helping. If your idea has an obvious and fixable hole, and someone tells you it’s flawless, their positive feedback is hurting you. Surround yourself with people who test your ideas. Don’t only listen to people who tell you what you want to hear. Pleasant “yes men” are more dangerous than the jerk who tells you the brutal truth you need to hear.

How to handle constructive criticism

Listen and ask questions. It may not be what you want to hear, but be open. If they don’t like the idea, ask them bluntly, “what do you think can be improved?”

If you don’t agree with the criticism, tell them you appreciate their candor. Then tell them you need some time to think about what they said. Then quickly move on. Don’t get defensive.

2. Jealousy

If you’re doing something big, people will be jealous. The bigger you aim, the harder they may want you to fail. If you are threatening someone or the status quo, jealous people will be aggressive, unpleasant, and negative. They want you to quit.

How to handle jealousy

Try not to talk to this person. If they are family, or someone you have to deal with, change the subject. Don’t sweat their negativity. Zone out. When they talk, act like you are listening. But think about something else.

Jealous people will sap your energy. Their goal is to distract you–so don’t let them. Don’t waste your time arguing with them, or fueling their fire. You need to keep focused on what matters.

Many people say not to take criticism personally. This is easier said than done, especially when you are trying to create something new. One way that many help is to imagine yourself as a 3rd party looking in on the situation. You may find yourself less biased if you try to remove yourself from the situation—even if temporarily.

3. Haters going to hate

Some people are just negative. They enjoy playing devil’s advocate. And no matter what you do, they will criticize. Wouldn’t you rather be hated for a big idea, rather then your choice of clothing?

How to handle haters
Passively agree with them! Haters want a fight, so don’t give it to them. If they bring up something negative, say “you have a point.” Then shut up. They want a debate, so don’t give it to them. Haters are just wired that way, and it has nothing to do with you.

This question originally appeared on Quora: What is the best way to handle negative criticism?

"Chris and I work as a sort of breathless, constant sprint because we are just trying to keep up with our own ideas"

Answer by Hans Zimmer, Interstellar composer, on Quora.

I think one of the things that is really great about working with Chris is that he doesn’t, in any way, get in the way of my imagination. In fact, he works very hard at not having me confined by the mechanics of filmmaking. So, our process is usually starting long conversations just riffing on ideas. Then slowly I start writing and experimenting, coming up with sounds, etc., all the while keeping in constant conversation with Chris.

In Interstellar, for instance, there’re so many themes, so many pieces, which always got to a certain point during the writing process but never had an ending, because Chris and I would get to a certain point with an idea and then abandon it because we got excited about the next idea. You have to think of how Chris and I work as a sort of breathless, constant sprint because we are just trying to keep up with our own ideas. The ideas are so plentiful when Chris and I get together, but the execution always takes more time and it can be so frustrating. It’s sometimes very frustrating for him as well because he’s trying to make a movie and he’s waiting on the music.

When it comes to the music for Interstellar, I can honestly say that in one way or another, the music is our music, not just my music. It’s entirely our music, and that’s a testament to how much I let Chris into my world. The great thing is that as a composer, you can only write from the heart and from your innermost place. So, you have to trust your director. And that’s the thing — there’s a great sense of trust and a great sense of balance that Chris brings to the composing process. Because Chris cuts his movies in his garage, (giving his films a sort of a homemade quality), he never makes me feel that I have the enormous weight of the canvas on my shoulders. His editing process is really helpful for my composing process. The work and the story is always brought back to the personal and the intimate, and that’s perfect for how I work.

This question originally appeared on Quora: What is it like working with Christopher Nolan?

Your goal really should be to get another job, while you're still employed, before the axe falls

Answer by Michael O. Church on Quora.

You get more warning if it’s a larger company. In small companies, the warning can be zero.

As soon as a manager puts something negative in writing, that’s a warning sign. If you get something to the effect of, “On September 4, we discussed <X> and you agreed to <Y>, but then you <Z>,” you should know that something’s up. There will probably be factual inaccuracies. You should correct your boss, in writing, but don’t expect it to do any good in terms of keeping your job. You just do that to make it clear that you can play the documentation game too, and that you won’t go down without a fight, so they are more likely to give you more time to get out on your own terms, and severance if they eventually fire you.

A PIP is a dead giveaway. Almost no one passes PIPs. You either fail (and get fired) or it’s ruled “inconclusive”, which means you might face another PIP in 6 months. (HR didn’t think you could cheaply be fired. “Inconclusive” means you have the same boss, more pissed off.) The only time people pass PIPs is when they change manager mid-PIP (and that’s usually only possible when your current manager leaves, because people don’t want PIP’d employees to transfer to their teams) and the new manager likes them.

Once you’re on a PIP, you better be job searching. Document every interview as a sick day, related to a disclosed health problem, and demand that your manager and HR accommodate it by adding time on the PIP. They hate that. It’s not going to save your job, but it sets the precedent that things are happening on your terms. Demand a time study for a PIP and, if they laugh that off, say that you’re going to talk to some unions about getting the performance evaluation process (including your PIP) evaluated for time study. (If they fire you early, they’re guilty of retaliation. They can still, however, legally fire you at the end of your PIP.) Remember: your goal isn’t to keep your job (you can’t) but to scare them into paralysis or capitulation, in order to get out on your own terms. Once you get another job, tell absolutely no one where you’re going until you’ve been in the new place for at least 6 months. You don’t want your boss or some other adversary finding out where you’re heading and shoot you down.

The termination endgame is unpredictable and dangerous no matter what, so you can’t bank on anything. Even if you do everything right, you may not get a severance, and you may be fired early even if you think they legally can’t. (At-will employment is intensely complicated and often has undefined behavior, but this also means that some companies take chances that no lawyer would endorse.) So don’t bank on a severance. Your goal really should be to get another job, while you’re still employed, before the axe falls. The benefit of being employed while job searching is worth more than a severance. Already-employed people easily get 10% higher salaries, and are assigned to better projects, and when you multiply this by, say, five years… the math favors changing jobs before the severance conversation can happen. Your new employer will just put you on a better track if it’s poaching you than if you’re seen as having come off the street.

If you do end up in a severance negotiation and the cash is enough to cover the expected length of a job search, take it. Ask for the right to represent yourself as employed. You may want to get agreement on a good reference, but that’s not as important if you’re pretty sure they won’t give you a bad reference. (Obviously, you won’t want to use your manager.) Use a peer or an ally for a reference.

If you’re fired during a job search process, don’t update any companies that you’re currently interviewing with on that development. (It does no good, because no one will consider you ethically obligated to do so.) You also don’t want to update your CV. As for whether you continue to represent yourself as employed, if you’ve been given that right formally, the answer is an obvious yes. If you haven’t, the answer is “it depends.” In that case, you have to weigh the risk of getting caught against the risk of having your unemployment counted against you.

This question originally appeared on Quora: How do you know if you’re going to soon be fired and what can you do about it?

The only thing that matters is what you can control and what you do about it

Answer by Oliver Emberton on Quora.

There are just two reasons why you haven’t done the stuff that you ‘want’ to do.

1. You can’t because of something external
2. You won’t because of something internal

Here’s the thing: nearly everyone who succeeds, will always assume number #2. By default, the reason they have failed is themselves. It is, without fail, their own fault. Always.

If this sounds like willful bunk, consider the flip side: those who fail always assume it’s not their fault. With that attitude, your ego is forever letting itself off the hook. You can’t learn from your experiences, except maybe that you shouldn’t have even tried, because — well — that big bad world was just super-mean to you again.

Try listening to a lot of normal conversation: it’s just ego repair.

“I’ve been here 6 years in the same job and they still haven’t promoted me!”
“I know, me too! It’s so unfair…”

As Don Draper would say: I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.

Whenever “it” or “they”, “he” or “she” is to blame, you’re just diverting the blame. Because the only thing that matters is what you can control: what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?

There are always situations when you really can’t have something that you don’t control. Maybe you dream of being a championship triathlete, but you were born without legs. Well of course.

Except that kind of reductio ad absurdum doesn’t excuse 99.99% of the identical, fundamental ridiculousness that most people lament about: their health, jobs and relationships. For this trinity, the principles are well known and within the capability of everyone. Assuming, of course, you accept responsibility for that.

Why do we make excuses?

Making excuses can make us feel better. Excuses are like painkillers for our self-respect.

Surely they evolved with this purpose. For not everyone can succeed all the time, and if you can’t, it’s better that you don’t become too depressed about it.

But the chances are the things that you want — that you want the most — are not fast cars, Angelina Jolie’s chest or a giant catapult to the moon. Most of us crave fundamentally simple things: love, respect, security, health, significance. These things don’t require that we’re born to wealthy parents, or with perfect genes.

If you’re reading this, the chances are you have access to education, sanitation, medicine, freedom of speech, shelter and the sum of the world’s knowledge (Google), and that you take them for granted. For over 150,000 years human life would have utterly sucked compared to now, and you’ve been born in the last 70 or so, in the blessed minority, when it doesn’t. You’re so lucky you can’t imagine.

You are the problem.

Whenever you hit a wall: find what you can do about it, do it, and forget anything else. All the other stuff just consumes your attention and accomplishes nothing.

The solutions to all your problems are probably so obvious, you likely already know them. The trick is simply acknowledging it’s your responsibility alone to make it happen.

This question originally appeared on Quora: How can I get what I want?

How to act in an argument

Answer by Lidia Stanton on Quora.

Assertiveness (even if you’re an introvert) will help you gain respect and save your dignity when you’re under verbal attack from an angry or unreasonable person.

Here’s a little trick:

1. Respond calmly using as few words as possible. Use simple sentence structure and key words only — going round the houses shows anxiety and indicates you may not know what you’re talking about or what you’re trying to say.
2. Finish on a strongest word/phrase you can think of that summarises your point (e.g. “I said many times before I have dyslexia. No one can argue against learning disabilities,” or “And for this reason I find you misinformed.”)
3. Meet the other person’s gaze and hold it for as many seconds as you can until you start feeling uncomfortable.
4. Do not say anything else, even when provoked. It is incredibly important that you don’t.
5. The awkward silence will make the aggressive person say lots of things in return (first of all, to fill the awkward gap in communication, then to counter-attack you) but none of their statements will have the same psychological effect as the last thing you said followed by your silence and gaze.
6. You’ve won. The first person to speak after you’ve created the powerful silence loses. They will also know it and find it incredibly difficult to deal with your assertiveness. They will crumble.

Now think of different media personalities who use the trick all the time, or interviews with politicians. Some celebrities unfortunately abuse it, just think of Simon Cowell.

This question originally appeared on Quora: What is the most valuable skill a person can have for their entire life?

What assumptions are you making based on incomplete information?

Answer by Heather Spruill on Quora.

When you’re not calm, you’re reacting. More specifically, you’re reacting to something that touches on fear or insecurity (worried about something bad or defending your ego), and that’s slipping in ahead of your logical thoughts.

That’s a thought habit. You do it because you’ve been doing it, and you can change it with some mindfulness — it’s easier with a little help from a friend or confidant, if one is available.

The hardest part is learning to stop yourself BEFORE you get jammed up. There’s an opportunity to tap the breaks when distressing things arise, and you need to pay attention and look for it. Practice “taking a step back” and thinking about what’s happening in your head vs. what’s actually happening in the world.

There are two types of situations that commonly result in unproductive excitement:

• Getting confronted when you aren’t prepared
• Anticipating something with an uncertain outcome

The first situation, confrontation, takes discipline and practice. You need to do some mental work ahead of time so that you’re better prepared for the next experience — that means reviewing past experiences and dissecting them so that you have more tools ready to handle the next surprise/uncomfortable conversation/etc.

The second, anticipation, is something you can work through as it happens once you get some basic ideas worked out.

Here’s what to think about:

What’s happening in your head?
Are you afraid of a particular poor outcome? Humiliation? Loss? Pain? The unknown? Loss of control? Something burdensome or annoying? Bad news?

What is it that you’re really worried about? How likely is that outcome? How bad would it be really? What’s the worst thing that can happen? How likely is it to go in that direction? So what if it did? How bad is that really?

In your mind, the stakes might automatically be set at “disastrously high” — is that accurate, though?

What’s actually happening in the world?
The other person isn’t a complete unknown. What are they looking for? What are they responding to? What do they need? f they’re mad or intense, what will help them feel less upset? Do they need you to listen? To act? To apologize? To reassure them? To take them seriously?

What assumptions are you making based on incomplete data? We often assign personal meaning to things that have no implications for us personally, or assume that a particular outcome necessarily follows something that’s really not strongly correlated. Challenge those assumptions. It’s not easy, which makes it helpful to have a calm friend to help you keep things at arm’s length. What’s really happening? What does it really mean?

Meanwhile — what can you do to make things less fraught? Recognizing you’re upset/un-calm lets you re-negotiate the circumstances.

• Ask for time, ask for space.
• Communicate ahead of time to let people you work closely with know that for you, having the information in advance and having a chance to review (rather than just springing an ad hoc discussion on you) it will make meetings more productive, if that’s true for you.
• Have words ready to de-escalate tense situations. Try to remove emotional language and accusatory statements from your tool box.
• Stay on what’s real without immediately leaping to what the implications are (or might be) when you’re discussing things.
• Have questions ready to re-focus things in productive directions.
• Stay aware of how you’re feeling and what your body language is telling the other person and yourself. Your tension can compound when you feel yourself tensing up physically — concentrate on neutralizing your posture, relaxing your shoulders, avoid leaning forward, and open your hands.

This question originally appeared on Quora: How can I stay calm in difficult situations?

You can't fake genuine knowledge

Answer by Michael O. Church on Quora.

There isn’t one, and the definition of “successful” can be pretty personal. When you get to a level that most people would consider “success,” you often find that you want more. There are heuristics.

So let me get into the most important one, at least in technology: focus on multiplicative effects. Which would you rather have: $100 right now, or a bank account that will “magically” grow by 20% per year for the rest of your life? Most people would take the latter. Think long-term, and invest. More specifically, invest in knowledge and relationships that will make you better at your job or more able to accomplish the things you want to do. Don’t worry too much about flavor-of-the-month “coolness” or transient managerial favor (this is easier said than done, because when you’re starting out, it’s hard to tell what matters and what doesn’t). Do good work, but don’t take yourself too seriously, and don’t get attached to others’ opinions of the work, because great work often gets “meh” responses and vice versa. You don’t want to be disliked or get yourself fired, but you’re better off having an average reputation and investing mental energy in self-improvement, than being the “team player” who everyone likes but no one sees as a leader or promotes.

Network and train yourself up before you need it. The “mentor” concept, from the movies, where someone spots you as young talent and grooms you for upper management, doesn’t really exist. Put at least 15 hours per week into networking (internal to your company, and external) and skill-building. I aim for 30-45 (obviously, some of this time is usually “stolen” from the day job; be careful about that and don’t make it obvious.) You want to have allies so that if “Stuff Goes Down” in a major way, you can get a favorable transfer (your project fails) or a positive reference (layoff or firing). Trust me, those things can happen to anyone. You want to have skills because you can always revise your social status (performance reviews, titles, bonuses) if needed (yes, “creative career repair” is something no one admits to, but everyone does) in future job searches, but you can’t fake genuine knowledge unless no one on the other side has it (and then, you’ll typically get a job at a place where no one wants to work). Knowledge is also the one thing that can’t be taken from you. So, there’s that.

Do these principles guarantee career success? No. The game is volatile, and the definition of “success” is somewhat subjective. However, I think they improve your odds. You can’t control the world; the best you can do is to prepare for it.

This question originally appeared on Quora: What is one sure way to have a successful career?