An Open Letter To Chefs Who Update Comfort Food
Mashed Potatoes
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| Great mashed potatoes at James Republic |
Remember when everyone obsessed over getting the perfect mashed potato texture? Ricers, stick blenders, graters, you name it, people tried to get fluffy mashed potatoes. Then they all gave up en masse and decided to serve chunky mashed potatoes. "Homemade style, like Mom made." No, my mother knows how to mash a freaking potato.
Then they started adding things: garlic, hazelnuts, cheese, and the race was on. I had "truffled smashed potatoes" recently that tasted like the kitchen staff blew hot farts at supermarket potato salad. While we're at it, stop pretending mashed sweet potatoes are a valid substitute for mashed potatoes. We are on to you.
Chocolate Desserts
Delicious chocolate dome cake from AnQi
If there were one food that you'd think would be immune to tampering and would be allowed to let stand on its own, it's chocolate. It's bizarre that people think they need to update chocolate, but try to find a good piece of chocolate layer cake these days. No one can make a chocolate layer cake anymore; it has to be red velvet, or it's got to have all kinds of crap mixed into it. Chocolate mousse? Forget it. Even just plain chocolate can't be plain anymore.
Go away and invent your own desserts, you Nutella freaks, you would-be Aztecs with the chile powder in their chocolate (no, damn it, you have NOT made "mole cake"), you bacon weirdoes (again), and you geniuses who decided to put speculoos (a.k.a. cookie butter or Biscoff spread) in everything.
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