My children think they can hide their candy consumption from me. But they fail to recognize my tactical advantage: They mistake me for an ignorant grown-up, when I’m actually an eternal preteen. My relationship to sweets has hardly changed since I was their age. Yes, I might eat candy less often now. But once I start, a precise choreography ensues.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/01lamp.gif)
The first Gummi bear is the best. After a few chews, the sweetness and acidity hit the tongue, then shoot into the nervous system.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/02threeD.gif)
The second one reaches the head and heart, and the third spreads through the entire body. Now would technically be the perfect time to stop.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/03pianoAPS.gif)
Oh, the spectrum of colors. I create heavenly chords and progressions.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/04rainbow5.gif)
I eat and eat; the sugar flows; the bag is still assuringly heavy in my hand.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/05busPSA.gif)
Around the 25 percent mark, I observe that the serving size has drastically increased from one bear to whole handfuls.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/06bounce0001.gif)
The sugar high dissolves into a blunt dullness, like Styrofoam slowly expanding in the space between my skin and bones.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/07crc1PSA2.gif)
I hate Gummi bears.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/08crc2.gif)
There is only one way to make the anguish stop: I must finish the entire pack swiftly and ruthlessly.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/09yellowkick.gif)
I plow through the remainder of the pack in a daze. Only the acidity of the yellow bears can deliver a barely noticeable kick.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/10zombiePSA.gif)
I am turning into a Gummi bear — a terrible state that’s topped only by the terror of realizing . . .
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/11clockC.gif)
. . . that all of a sudden, the pack is empty.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/12boatPSA_03.gif)
Oh, no!
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/13bagPSA.gif)
But wait. The bag seems just a tiny bit too heavy.
![Christoph Niemann — Gummi Bear Chronicles](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141114053012im_/http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/magazine/2014/1012Candy/500px/14nibble.gif)
One last straggler is hunted down. I’m so delighted that I even
resort to nibbling.
The End.