Game of Thrones references aside, the Rangers face serious challenges as they join 29 other teams at the hot stove.
Breathe. Relax. 2014 is over.
It was over in July, but really it was over in June, but probably it was over in May.
There's no question it's over in November. The Rangers season, I mean, of course, not the year, because I have a basic understanding of the Gregorian calendar. Take a quiet moment and shake it off, much like current Top 40 pop hit 'Shake It Off' by Taylor Swift.
This is the point where about 80 per cent of all people reading suddenly look like a lemon punched them in the teeth and say 'Taylor SWIFT?' through puckered mouths and squinted eyes. I get it. Taylor Swift is a fun punching bag, but let me tell you something- Shake It Off' is a great little pop song. What, you don't like pop songs? Pop songs, like 'Hey, Jude' or 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'? How about '(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction'?
Turn on any classic rock station, and you hear three things; Led Zeppelin, Jethro Tull, and old pop music.
Oh, you're upset that she adopts different musical styles on each record? Go listen to The Wall and realize it's a disco album then come back and appreciate Taylor Swift with me.
Say what you will about her, she wrote probably the greatest song ever about shaking haters off, greater even than 'Shake Dem Haters Off'; from which, I grant you, it borrows a thematic styling. Still, we can fight in a Dairy Queen parking lot over it if it helps you.
I get it, we all treat talented but profit-centric artists as easy targets, but I think she has enough musical chops and has grown enough as an artist we can all treat her like a real adult and save all our jokes for Justin Bieber.
So, there. Shake it off. 2014 is gone and dead and it's buried and we don't need to mourn it.
Long live 2015. It likely starts with a winter feast.
Feasts are funny things. A feast can be an epic meal of lobster and rack of lamb and baked alaskan salmon, or it can be getting chicken nuggets with your burger and fries at the drive-through.
Is this winter going to be a grand feast of the kind Robert Baratheon (First of His Name) threw his kingdom into debt to throw, or is Jon Daniels going to drop us off at Cici's Pizza Buffet with a ten dollar bill (which means someone is going to have to get water instead of a soda)?
My bet is that this winter JD teaches us all a lesson on sacrifice and swapping out sodas at the table while employees aren't looking. Sorry if you thought we were getting lobster.
To keep the casual dining metaphor going, early winter free agent shopping is a lot like waiting in line at Chipotle. You imagine all the extra toppings you can get on your burrito, overstuffing it with imaginary non-GMO goodness. You'll imagine yourself puffing out your chest, saying 'I know guacamole costs extra- in fact, give me extra guacamole!'. You'll imagine a burrito so large the guy behind the counter can't close it, and you'll imagine yourself looking into his troubled eyes, whispering 'It's ok', then taking your burrito and enjoying every savory morsel of all that extra food.
Then you get it and there's a thousand calories of rice, somehow, and you only get guacamole in about half your bites.
To that end, we can all imagine aces Max Scherzer or Jon Lester fitting into the budget, or convince ourselves that maybe a combo platter of three or four B-level prospects would get Cueto from Cincinnati, or that Nelson Cruz would be happy to take that hometown discount now, a year after the fact.
Or you could sign up for reality; where the Rangers have money and space for one mid-major signing and a few small deals.
The bulk of the wins the Rangers add this offseason are going to have to come from within, with returns to health for Profar and Fielder and Choo, and full season from Holland and Darvish, and hopefully a successful 2015 comeback for Martin Perez. The amount of wins the team needs to go from bottom-dweller to contender isn't available on the free agent or trade market; even if they were, the cost for such would be astronomical.
So, when they announce the signing of a middling left-handed reliever, don't be that guy who crows that 'Oh Boy! All our problems are solved now!' because we have too many of those guys already. I can't tell you what guy to be but i can tell tell you this - don't be THAT guy.
That said, I think there's one high-level free agent that seems to fit in perfectly with Texas, and that is Russel Nathan Jean Coltrane Martin Junior (known as Russel Martin by most other websites), who is a fantastic catcher last seen with the Pittsburgh Pirates (who you may note also employed Jeff Bannister, who is now the manager of the Rangers). While I love Robinson Chirinos, and I think the team has a level of comfort with him as the #1 catcher in 2015, Martin is worlds above Chirinos.
Aside from the Pittsburgh connection and the fit, there's the fact that Jon Daniels seems to have a streak going of getting players one or two years later than he should have. Daniels signed Choo for massive dollars last year, when he was traded in December of 2012 for a fairly manageable cost. Daniels signed Lance Berkman two years after declining a cheap late-season trade for him (that one really hurts, because, you know- World Series).
I would add Adrian Beltre to that list, because Beltre signed his 6 year, 96 million dollar deal here a year after taking a one year deal in Boston. I always thought 'I bet a three year deal could have been worked out' with Beltre before he went to Boston, because everyone's looking for a one year deal until someone offers you three; however that would have had Beltre reaching free agency again this offseason, and I doubt a contract signed this offseason would be cheaper than the one he's halfway through now.
Three years ago Martin was non-tendered from a bankrupt LA Dodgers team (my, how things have changed there) and signed with the Yankees for six million dollars plus incentives for one year. The Rangers could have had him then.
Two years ago, he signed a two year deal with the Pirates for 17 million dollars. Could have had him then.
Now, it's definitely going to take more than two years and seventeen million dollars to get him (not to mention a draft pick, since Pittsburgh tendered him a Qualifying Offer, but given the terrible record the Rangers built up, that would at least be a second round pick, not a first, for the Rangers), but 'better late than never' is a saying that has survived a long, long time for a reason.
(I don't mean for that to come off as a Gallowayian insult to Daniels; simply an observation in a trend of acquisitions that suggest he's not perfect, which he'd be happy to tell you himself).
Of course there are going to be a number of suitors for Martin's services, and the fact that I've named him as a likely high-priority target almost assures that he's going to sign elsewhere.
Still the fact remains; don't expect steak and lobster this winter. If we get hamburger, let's remind ourselves it's better than starving and continue on.
For more great sports content, you can follow WFAA Sports on Twitter at @WFAASports.For tweets about food and pop culture, follow Joseph Ursery on Twitter at @TheJoeUrsery
Related: Rangers offseason targets
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