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Sorry guys I can't hang out. I'm busy playing with my beard. What? Yes seriously, leave us alone.
If you’re upset that the science in Interstellar isn’t exactly right, maybe don’t go to movies?
42 retweets 88 favoritesI just got cuddled by three French bulldogs simultaneously. I HAVE EXPERIENCED BLISS AND I REFUSE TO EXPERIENCE ANYTHING LESS FROM NOW ON
That fart I just farted smelled like Taco Bell. And I'm ok with that.
Since when did IHOP stop delivering!!
20 retweets 61 favoritesI dipped my burrito in Jalepeño and Cilantro Hummus. So clearly I have life figured out.
Watch @taco_talk_ on http://www.StreamNowTV.com or our new app https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/stream-now-tv/id925387757?mt=8 … #tacotuesday #tacos #taco #indie pic.twitter.com/ZQX6Cfy9vS
Guys, this horror short I produced is only up for 24 hours and is a couple minutes long. It's weird! Check it out! http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com/news/369173-fun-size-horror-short-films-day-5-evil-voices-lie-collection/ …
3 retweets 2 favoritesI'm so glad Venmo tells me when other people join Venmo. Good to know I can pay people I never talk to.
In my car with an awful cold. Linkin Park's "In the end it doesn't even matter" comes on. Can't help but think they might be onto something
Had a dream the girl from The Ring came to kill me. But then she turned into a Harryhausen skeleton. I laughed.She got embarrassed and left.
Taco Tuesday is here. Which means a new Taco Talk Episode. Duh. #tacotalk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=c_jfI9EMtOQ …
YouTube
Marshmallows. You stole my heart when I was young. And now that I am older, it seems you have stolen my ability to poop you as well.
Went through Jack in the Box drive thru. Parked. Went inside with food and ate it. The thong song came on. Plan validated #thongsandiabetes
I bet if you took all the "small talk"conversations I've ever had/will have it would fill a couple of really shitty coffee table books.
My girlfriend said that from the bathroom my mouth trumpet sounded just like a real trumpet. Finally someone who respects my art. And mouth.
1 favoriteHonestly if Hummus pizza was a thing I would 100% have diabetes.
Official Twitter account of the Tropicana Laughlin Hotel & Casino in Laughlin, NV. #MORE | Find us all over the web! @TropLaughlin /TropLaughlin
Someone just wished me a happy saturday. I said you too. It felt as awkward as it sounds.
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