Top row, from left: Library of Congress, Adrees Latif/Reuters, AP. Bottom row, from left: Win McNamee/Reuters, simpleinsomnia/Flickr, Lucy Nicholson/Reuters.

The stories of our lives often unfold in ways that we were never prepared for. Back in the '80s, my mother flew across the country from a small town south of Boston to take care of her brother in San Francisco after a sudden heart attack. She was lucky enough to be able to take time off from work and not worry about losing her job.

Twenty years later, I too needed to take time off to care for family—specifically, my parents, while they both recovered from different surgeries during the same couple of weeks. When I went to Human Resources to arrange for use of my vacation time, I was told that I needn't do so: This type of leave was covered under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which President Clinton signed into law in 1993, and which provides “certain employees with up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave a year” in order to care for their sick parents, children, or spouses.

I was very grateful for this law; it was there when I needed it. But, later, I was surprised to learn that when it came to another part of my life, the law did nothing for me: I have a brother who has an intellectual disability and other health issues as well. While I haven’t needed any extended leave to take care of him, I have had to head out of work early to take care of him when different medical issues have come up. For millions of Americans who care for their sick and disabled brothers and sisters, they'll find that the time they need to take off is not guaranteed to them by law: The FMLA does not cover siblings.

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When we think of our families, outside of our own children and partners, most of us think of our immediate family that we grew up with—our siblings and parents. Many of us feel as U.S. Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor describes in her memoir: “I love my brother dearly. He knows me in ways the rest of the world never could. We’ve always watched out for each other.”

But, for purposes of the FMLA, the definition of a relative does not match what many might expect. As attorney Jeff Nowak, partner at Franczek Radelet P.C. in Chicago, explains, “The protections of the FMLA are limited to caring for a spouse, parent, or child (either under 18 or 18 and older who is incapable of caring for him/herself because of an ADA disability).”

As much as siblings may be a part of our conception of "family," the sibling relationship is actually materially different from those relationships that the law does cover. Most siblings do not live with each other nor are they usually legally responsible for one another. Most siblings lead independent lives. In cases where there is an intellectual disability, the goal is often to let that individual retain as many rights as possible.

As a result, it may be very difficult to state that the caregiving relationship between siblings is like that between a parent and child.

But the law does provide for those who are taking care of a relative "in loco parentis." Wouldn't that include siblings?

The answer is not clear. Though “in loco parentis” can cover leave taken to care for an aunt, a grandparent, and a non-biological parent, the “in loco parentis” relationship had to have existed when the employee was a child. That is usually not the case for siblings, because they often would have been children at the same time.

As a society we have to ask ourselves whether the relationship between siblings is so much less important than that between a parent and child that we have to try to mold the relationship into something that it’s not in order to protect it. Maybe we need to more fully embrace the importance of siblings as family. They are our peers and often our first friends. Isn’t that something that deserves some degree of legal protection?

Recently, the Family and Medical Leave Inclusion Act was introduced in the House and Senate. Among other things, the legislation sought to expand the FMLA to include siblings. But, ultimately, these bills floundered.

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Barb Sapharas lives near Cleveland, Ohio, and is also vice chair of the Ohio Sibling Leadership Network. The oldest of three children, she had two younger brothers, Jim and Nick. Nick was the baby, born in 1958, two yeas after Jim.

Nick was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was around six months old. As siblings, they grew up very close as latch-key kids. Jim and Barb grew up taking care of Nick and were his caregivers. They fed him and helped him do homework. “Kids take care of each other when their parents are working,” Sapharas says.

In the early years of this century, Nick's health took a turn for the worse. When Nick was told that he was dying, Sapharas was the one who spoke to him about what he wanted to do. “It was a gift to have these conversations. To know his wishes and to carry them out for him.” She worked flexible hours and took vacation time. She stayed overnight with him twice at the end. She didn’t know about FMLA then, but it wouldn’t have mattered because siblings aren’t considered family.