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Perhaps compulsively buying Ebola products is itself a disease? If so, an epidemic of that too is brewing. Some people think the virus is all part of a conspiracy that must be exposed. Others believe it is the dawn of an apocalypse and are planning their survival. Then there are the people who just need to laugh in the face of so much sombre news (thankfully, we don’t see many of the faces of the people dying). Where there is this kind of demand, there will be supply. Here’s a selection of what’s on offer:
Halloween costume: Alarm your friends by arriving at their Halloween party dressed as a health worker risking their life to save others. Accessorise with a spray canister full of green vodka, if you can find one. NB: Suit offers no actual protection from Ebola. NBB: Suit doesn’t need to.
Books: Still not read enough about Ebola? From scientific histories to survivalist handbooks and crackpot fantasies, everything that could possibly be written about the disease already has been, at some length.
Virus doll: Children have fluffy toy lions and tigers, so why not deadly viruses? “The T rex of microbes,” says the seller’s website and, less plausibly, “great teaching tool”.
Tie: Finally there is an ethical way to dress unpleasantly for work while at the same time taking a lighthearted look at people being dangerously ill. An unspecified “portion of proceeds” goes to “important non-profit public health agencies”.
Bumper stickers: You can like Barack Obama or dislike Barack Obama. But can you really blame him for the evolution of a virus first identified thousands of miles away when he was 15? Hell, yeah!
iPhone case: I imagine the Chinese factory worker who makes these asking his line manager what they are and being told: “Oh it’s just the logo of an American sitcom from the 1990s redesigned with the name of a deadly virus and then printed on the back of a range of iPhone cases.”
Ebola thong: I have tried to imagine the right time and place to reveal to somebody that you are wearing an Ebola thong, and I have failed. Maybe it’s all about how it makes you feel.
Prayer candle: Once again, “a portion” of the proceeds from this item goes towards Ebola relief. And yet it’s hard not to feel that the purchaser could do even more good by maybe, just this once, not buying mystical prayer equipment and instead sending all the money to Liberia.
Apps: The Ebola news aggregator looks harmless, if a little obsessive. The About Ebola app – in Krio, Jola, Liberian English and other African languages – looks downright useful. Yet it is Plague Virus Outbreak with its “80 levels of virus-busting puzzle arcade action” that gets the rave reviews. “Highly infectious”, boasts its website.
Shopping trolley handle cover: Some say this is merely a conventional CartCuff with the word “Ebola” added to the listing. Others say that if you reach the point where you are spending $5 in order not to catch Ebola from a shopping trolley, you are ill already.
