Marchers carry the Human Rights Campaign flag up Market Street during the 44th annual San Francisco Gay Pride parade Sunday, June 29, 2014, in San Francisco. The lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender celebration and parade is one of the largest LGBT gatherings in the nation. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)
By Satin Abtahi
We hear about it in the news, we attend professional developments on the topic, we read about the newest research relating to it. It’s lobbied in Washington D.C., discussed at school board meetings, and discussed with our school counselors. But we are still faced with the ultimate question: How do we get all students to be secure with who they are?
Our nations’ suicide rate is alarming. It is the third leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24, with gay and bisexual youth being twice as likely to commit the act, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. If we, as teachers, are going to help stop this issue with our students, we need to be secure with ourselves. We can’t spread a nationwide message that “it gets better” if it doesn’t actually get better.
Teaching every one of your students to be proud, comfortable, and confident in their skin can help create a safe environment in your class. It’s easy to stick up a poster that says “Our Differences Are Cool,” and claim that you are an open-minded individual, but just remember that our students can read us. They know when we are not being sincere. As teachers, we need to model what we want the students to learn, and this goes beyond academics.
There is a fine line between sharing too much information with a student, and not sharing enough. On the first day of school everyone plays the get-to-know-you team building games. Teachers talk about where they went to college, their favorite things to do and their pets.
Many teachers share information about their families, and most that don’t are the ones that are gay. Most teachers do not spend 45 minutes talking about their families because, gay or straight, that would be a waste of class time. But why should a straight teacher be able to put up a picture of his/her family by their desk while a gay teacher feels like he/she should hide their picture inside of their desk? It should be acceptable for a gay teacher to talk about family with students (to an extent) just as a straight teacher would talk about family (to an extent).
How can we spread the message that being different is OK, when the adults on campus do not actually believe that it is? I was more worried about being open about who I am as an adult than I ever was as a kid. So against certain professors’ advice, my parents’ advice, and my brother’s advice, I decided to be 100 percent open, and that has made an impact on my students. They can agree, they can disagree, they can spout out some thing that they have heard their parents say. Either way, they will know that they are expected to show me and every other person in the school respect.
I didn’t “come out” to my students or colleagues, I just chose not to hide who I am. In turn, I have had students, teachers, and parents thank me. On the flip side, it can make life as a teacher a bit more difficult, but my hope is that it will make life for my students that are struggling with themselves a bit easier. In the end, the good that it does for kids far outweighs the bad that it may do for me.
We cannot always change what is out of our control, but what happens in our classrooms and our schools is in our control. Regardless of a student’s beliefs, religion, or values, they need to learn that every person deserves to be treated with respect, even if they do not agree with them. Teachers are role models, and as a role model, I want to send the message to my students that it actually does get better.
Satin Abtahi is an English teacher and coach at Haggard Middle School in Plano. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English and Communications from Fort Lewis College in Durango, Colorado, and she has a Masters in Secondary Education from The University of North Texas.