COWS IN MY BURGER.
(LAUGHTER)
NOW FORTUNATELY, FOLKS THERE
IS A WAY WE CAN ENJOY THE
FRUITS OF FRACKING WITHOUT
FEELING THE GUILT.
AND IT BRINGS US TO
TONIGHT'S WORD.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
GAG GIFTS.
FOLKS, I'M A SENSITIVE GUY.
I CRIED WHEN THOSE HUNTERS
SHOT BAMBI'S MOTHER.
THEY SHOULD HAVE SHOT HIS
DAD.
HE IS A 10 POINT BUCK.
SO NATURALLY I WAS TOUCHED
WHEN I HEARD ABOUT A FAMILY
LIVING NEAR A PENNSYLVANIA
FRACKING SITE WHO HAD TO
MOVE BECAUSE AIR AND WATER
CONTAMINANTS CAUSED THEM TO
EXPERIENCE BURNING EYES,
SORE THROATS, HEADACHES AND
EARACHES.
ULTIMATELY THE FAMILY WAS
ABLE TO GET THE COMPANY RANG
RESOURCES TO AGREE TO AN
OUT-OF-COURT SETTLEMENT FOR
$750,000 TO RELOCATE.
WOW.
FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU
COULD BUY SOMETHING NICE.
NOW IN RETURN, IN RETURN THE
COMPANY SIMPLY ASKED FOR A
SIGNED STATEMENT FROM THE
FAMILY SAYING THAT IT
SUFFERED NO ENVIRONMENTAL
HEALTH OR SAFETY IMPACT FROM
DRILLING ADJACENT TO THEIR
PROPERTY.
AND TO AGREE TO LIFETIME
BANS ON WHAT THEY CAN SAY.
BECAUSE IF A TREE FALLS IN
THE FOREST AND YOU PAY THE
FAMILY WHO HEARD IT NOT TO
TALK, THEN IT DIDN'T MAKE A
SOUND.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
NOW-- NO WONDER--
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
I SAY NO WONDER GAG ORDERS
LIKE THIS ARE SO COMMON.
>> BLOOMBERG REVIEWED
HUNDREDS OF REGULATORY AND
LEGAL FILINGS AND FOUND
DRILLERS PAYING FOR SILENCE
OVER WATER CONTAMINATION
COMPLAINTS IN AT LEAST HALF
A DOZEN STATES.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE
EVERYWHERE, PAYING FOR
SILENCE IS CATCHING ON LIKE
TAP FIRE.
(LAUGHTER)
BUT FOLKS, THE FUN PART-- THE
FUN PART IS THAT THIS GAG
ORDER ALSO INCLUDED THE
FAMILY'S TWO CHILDREN AGES 7
AND 10.
IMPORTANT LESSON, KIDS, IF
YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE
TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING
AT ALL.
BUT EVEN AFTER-- EVEN AFTER
THEY MOVED--
(APPLAUSE)
THESE CRYBABIES ARE CRYING
ABOUT THEIR BABIES CLAIMING
THAT IMPOSING A GAG ORDER ON
MINORS VIOLATES THEIR FIRST
AMENDMENT RIGHTS.
BUT JUDGE PAUL POZONSKY WHO
APPROVED THE SETTLEMENT HAD
AN AIRTIGHT REBUTTAL SAYING
THAT IS A LAW SCHOOL
QUESTION, I GUESS.
JUDGE POZONSKY HAS SINCE
RESIGNED.
NOW THE PROBLEM--
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: THE PROBLEM IS
IMPORTANT, I THINK-- BUT THE
PROBLEM WAS ENFORCING A GAG
ORDER ON A 7-YEAR-OLD, IS
THAT FOR THE REST OF THEIR
LIVES ANY TIME SOMEONE
BRINGS UP FRACKING, THE KIDS
WON'T TALK.
BUT THEY'LL HAVE A HAUNTED
LOOK IN THEIR EYES.
LIKE WHEN YOU ASK VIETNAM
VETS ABOUT AGENT ORANGE OR
ASK NBC EXECUTIVES ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP.
(LAUGHTER)
NOW-- PEOPLE--
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: PEOPLE MIGHT
START TO SUSPECT THAT THE
KIDS THINK THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH FRACKING.
WE NEED SOME WAY TO CHANGE
WHAT THEY THINK.
MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
DRILL INTO THEIR SKULLS AND
INJECT NEW THOUGHTS INTO
THEIR BRAINS UNDER EXTREME
ECONOMIC PRESSURE TO SHATTER
THOSE OLD THOUGHTS AND THEN
EXTRACT POSITIVE MESSAGES
ABOUT FRACKING.
NOW I GUESS-- FOLKS-- I
GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
IS--
(APPLAUSE)
I THINK, I GUESS WHAT I'M
TRYING TO SAY IS I WISH
THERE WAS A WAY MY CAR COULD
RUN BY BURNING THE INNOCENCE
OF CHILDREN.
ANYWAY-- YOU KNOW WHAT, IN A
WAY IT KIND OF DOES BECAUSE
THESE COMPANIES ARE JUST
ASKING FOR KIDS TO LIE FOR
MONEY.
AND IN ORDER TO GET CHEAP
OIL, I THINK WE'RE ALL
WILLING TO LIE TO OURSELVES
ABOUT FRACKING.
AND THAT'S THE WORD.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)