Barely Legal
The past few weeks have been busy despite the fact that every day is pretty much the same, what with the Groundhog Day-like cycle of sleeping, crying, burping, eating and pooping. And then there’s the baby. OMG! The good thing about being awake at odd hours, aside from being mesmerized by THE CUTEST BABY EVER, is that I’ve been able to catch almost every Olympic event possible. And even if I miss one it will be on again in like an hour. And I’ll be all, didn’t I just see this? Or is it because I’m a precog?
Naturally my favorite event has been the Women’s Skeleton competition, otherwise known as I’m Trying to Kill Myself. What’s next, jumping off tall buildings? The gold medal goes to the athlete who’s most dead?
In fact I’ve been paying so much attention to the happenings in Sochi that I almost missed what’s going on in that scandal-ridden Texas Lite Gov Republican primary. Apparently at one point in his life State Sen. Dan Patrick was almost human and it’s coming back to haunt him. As the Dallas Morning News reported this week, Patrick, the anti-immigrant zealot from Crazytown, once hired a handful of unauthorized immigrants at his sports bar as cooks and dishwashers in the mid-1980s although he only “vaguely” recalls that. In Patrick’s defense, who remembers what they did in the mid-80s? (Except me. I remember everything and I still hold grudges. You know who you are.) Patrick would’ve gotten away with it too, if not for Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson’s oppo research and Miguel “Mike” Andrade from Mexico. Andrade confirmed that Patrick was well aware of his illegal status and that of his cousin and two other men.
“He was real, real, real kind with us…real good with the Hispanic community,” Andrade said. “He was really wishing (he had) some kind of power…to help us to work in this country and have a better life.” According to Andrade, who is now a U.S. citizen, Patrick wrote him a recommendation to help him with temporary residency. He also offered to help him visit his sick mom in Mexico at the time. Patrick called the allegation “simply preposterous” and argued that he’s never once “acted even remotely like a semi-decent person.”
He should bow out now before they unearth his team of illegal pregnant powerwashing nannies.
February 20th, 2014 at 11:51 am
Yep. Cutest baby ever. But Baby PL runs a close second to Henry, right? /About damn time you posted.
February 20th, 2014 at 1:29 pm
/powerwashing babies?
eileen Reply:
February 20th, 2014 at 8:30 pm
/pregnant powerwashing pug puppies
February 20th, 2014 at 1:39 pm
Cute baby. Congratulations. When you have four more of them you will have caught up with me.
This Lieutenant Governor race is a source of never-ending amusement.
February 20th, 2014 at 8:24 pm
They are wrong…It wasn’t Dan PATRICK who hired those illegals. It was that other guy…You know Danny Goeb or something like that, the one who left all those people holding the bag when he went bankrupt.
February 21st, 2014 at 6:11 am
Wouldn’t it be the more appropriate response, as a stalwart member of the GOP to quote the “Great Communicator”: “I don’t recall. I don’t recall that.”
Alan Reply:
February 26th, 2014 at 2:16 am
“My heart tells me we never smuggled weapons into Nicaragua. Unfortunately, the facts say otherwise.”
-Ronald Wilson Reagan, 1987
“My heart tells me we never smuggled Nicaraguans into the Sidelines Bar & Grill (Home of the Never Ending Nachos). Unfortunately, the facts and some dirty Mexican say otherwise.”
-Sen. Dan Goeb Patrick, 2014
profk Reply:
February 26th, 2014 at 8:28 am
BWAH-ha-ha-ha-ha. I KNEW someone would catch my little reference…. Oh Alan….apparently you and I have lived to see too much…..![;)](https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/dentonfracking/20141030015455im_/http://www.inthepinktexas.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
February 21st, 2014 at 7:16 am
SO glad you are back! This is hilarious, from the most beautiful baby in the world (well, present progeny excluded), to the hypocritical antics of Dan Patrick. Thanks for starting of the weekend funny.
February 21st, 2014 at 11:11 am
If I hadn’t seen a little bit of the Olympics, I would have thought that Women’s Skeleton competition was the all American event known as Preschool Drop-Off.
February 22nd, 2014 at 11:59 am
Just when I thought South Carolina was the craziest of the crazies, along comes Kansas and Arizona. Then I read your most recent column and am reminded that Texas was always a contender.