When Disney Freezes Over
I haven’t seen Disney’s Frozen because my daughter’s only two months old and I don’t know if they even let babies into movie theaters or what I would do if she started crying and ruining the experience for those recently laid off people hiding from the world. Plus it’s easier to stay at home and watch Law & Order marathons together. It’s definitely more age appropriate than the Disney channel, which just wants to turn kids gay.
Other people who haven’t seen Frozen are warning God-fearing Christians that the film is indoctrinating otherwise innocent animation-loving children in the ways of homosexuality and bestiality. (I assume you’ve seen Beauty and the Beast. I’ve never been so disgusted in my entire life.) Yes, Colorado-based conservative radio host Kevin Swanson is arguing that Frozen carries a blatantly pro-gay pro-Obamacare left-wing agenda.
The movie purports to be about two sisters, one of whom can create snow and ice, learning to love each other. Do I have to spell it out for you? L-E-S-B-I-A-N-S. Icy, snowy, L-E-S-B-I-A-N-S. It’s kind of like Heat Miser and Snow Miser but the music isn’t as good.
“Friends, this is evil, just evil,” Pastor Swanson said. “Man, how many children are taken into these things and how many Christians are taking their kids off to see the movie Frozen, produced by an organization that is probably one of the most pro-homosexual organizations in the country?”
The good pastor’s right. That “It’s a Small World” ride might as well be “It’s a Gay World.”
“You wonder sometimes if maybe there’s something very evil happening here,” Swanson added. “If I was the Devil, what would I do to really foul up an entire social system and do something really, really, really evil to 5- and 6- and 7-year-olds in Christian families around America? If I was the Devil, I would buy Disney in 1984, that’s what I would have done.” Are you kidding me? If I was the devil I would vanquish all my enemies and steal their stuff.
And it’s not just the sexually deviant sisters. There’s also some burly mountain man screwing his pet reindeer.
“I wonder if people think: ‘You know, I think this cute movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way,” Swanson said. “I wonder if the average parent going to see Frozen is thinking that way.”
I’m going to go with “no” on that one. I’m guessing that the average parent doesn’t see incest and bestiality in your typical Disney fairy tale. Except maybe The Sword in the Stone.
Swanson cited a blog post on the National Catholic Register, “So, How Gay IS Disney’s Frozen?,” to back up his allegations. Come on. Anyone who cites something off the conservative National Catholic Register is pretty desperate. If you’re looking for a good Catholic newspaper—and, really, who isn’t—try the National Catholic Reporter or Jesuit News or Better Popes and Gardens.
However the blog post did bring up something that most people probably missed:
Viewers who stayed through the end credits were treated to a parting gag in which Elsa’s giant, male-voiced snow monster, wandering through her abandoned ice palace, picks up her abandoned tiara and places it daintily on its own head, smiling as it discovers its true inner princess.
I KNEW IT. I always knew snowmen were gay! That’s why growing up I made sure to make the carrot the nose.
March 14th, 2014 at 12:50 pm
“Except maybe The Sword in the Stone.” <– Playing your French horn in church won't excuse that one, EyeLean!
LegeBoy Reply:
March 14th, 2014 at 1:22 pm
That scene with Wart and girl squirrel was just filthy.
March 14th, 2014 at 12:54 pm
I took my todler daughter to see Jurasic Park to much consternation from in-laws, etc. I figured she was too young to understand it (she was about 3 y-o) Back with the in-laws, still concerned, I asked her what the movie was about. She said, Those dinosaurs ate those people. Hmmm. Oh well, Dad was wrong again. At 2 months you’re probably good to go, but have an exit plan for the inevitable crying.
As if 70-80 years of Disney movies with female villains wasn’t enough. I think those dancing hippos in Fantasia were definitely gay.
Huaco treehugger Reply:
March 14th, 2014 at 12:55 pm
Oh, and welcome back to the interwebbloggernets.
March 14th, 2014 at 1:01 pm
If I were the devil, I’d have a gaggle of pastor-types and radio talk show hosts rant, rave, and spread hate about innocuous things like sweet, innocent movies so as to distract their followers from the real evil in the world like income disparity so dramatic the richest nation in the world is in a race to the bottom with less-developed countries. Yep. That’s what I’d do.
Big Sis Reply:
March 14th, 2014 at 3:46 pm
Amen. What she said…
eileen Reply:
March 14th, 2014 at 4:13 pm
So you’re saying you’re the devil…
March 16th, 2014 at 7:46 am
Law and Order marathons are awesome, but here lately I’ve become very fond of NCIS Los Angeles. Probably inappropriate for a two month old, though, what with LL Cool J’s awesome pecs and a peculiar dwarf woman.
March 20th, 2014 at 10:09 am
Heat Miser was pretty gay, but NO ONE was gayer than Snagglepuss. They might blame Disney, but Hanna-Barbera was Devil lol “Heavens to Murgatroyd!” {exit, Stage Left}
March 27th, 2014 at 5:53 pm
Meanwhile, on the left, I’ve heard complaints about Frozen being anti-feminist because one of the sisters is marriage obsessed or something like that. I guess because she’s not married. I wouldn’t know because I’m of the opinion that life to too short to watch that many movies, so why would I waste bandwidth on Disney fluff?
eileen Reply:
March 28th, 2014 at 9:06 am
Please don’t make me say it.
lush Reply:
March 28th, 2014 at 9:42 am
Bring it. At last count, I still had two marriages to your one, Slacker. And I see your beautiful daughter and raise you mine and her beautiful son.
Huaco treehugger Reply:
March 31st, 2014 at 4:53 pm
Careful lush, or she’ll post more dog pictures.