Sour Grapes
Now this, THIS, is hitting a little too close to home. An international team of scientists has come out with a new report warning that global warming could shrink vineyards in California. Rising sea levels is one thing. Floods, heat waves, droughts, reduction in the ozone layer, spread of disease, extinction and illegal immigrants? Not pretty but manageable. But shrinking vineyards? An ever-dwindling supply of chardonnay? OK, Al Gore, you’ve got my attention.
Global warming and 95-degree weather is projected to affect vintage wine-grape production and the overall growing season, which could threaten the livelihood of premium vineyards while virtually eliminating marginal, or ‘box-o-wine,’ vineyards.
“Certainly, the Napa Valley, the Sonoma Valley and the Santa Barbara area all exhibit enormous losses of production in the future climate,” said Noah Diffenbaugh, one of the study’s authors and my new nemesis (replacing Paul Burka). You can have Napa (you tourist) and Santa Barbara but SONOMA? The Russian River Valley? What, like I’m going to start drinking Texas wine?
Although this particular effect of earth overheating is not supposed to happen until the end of the century, I fully expect the Smith progeny to be wine aficianodos, and I fear that this will hurt the lineage significantly. As if it hasn’t been damaged enough already.
July 11th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
It’s OK for you froo-froo liberals to starting having panic attacks about your shrinking supply of zinfandel, but exactly what effect will it have on my beer? Thought about that? I hear that them English kickball ‘ooligans have already drunk all the breweries in Germany dry so I want to know if this global farting is going to threaten my supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon’s? If so, I’m going to vote for Al Gore. If not, I’m going to buy a Hummer and bring it to the next liberal grape stomp.
July 11th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
Chill, PL chill.
All of Noah Diffenbaugh’s previous studies have been thoroughly discredited. Even Noah Diffenbaugh’s investigative pieces for The Onion have proved to be factually inaccurate.
July 11th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Re: 1. I�m The First
Not to worry unless the Barley crop gets converted to corn. Hops might be a mite sensitive though. Not that you’d notice with PBR.
PL: Come on now, is Texas wine so bad?
July 11th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Uhhh hello? People? Jury is still out on global warming. We have nothing to worry about. I’m not sure where you get your sources from, but they’re probably just hippies sitting around staring at a rotating frisbee. Duuuddddeeee, don’t bogart that environmentally-friendly “tobacco” skull bong.
July 11th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Re: 4. BlackIsTheNewPink
Please tell me you’re kidding. You’re too cute to be a dumbass.
July 11th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
This is what I look like after I’ve gotten ready for a night on the town:
http://www.theplaza.ca/moview/Pics/Films/1985/Goonies/pic4.jpg
And yes, joking. Hippies also look at black velvet blacklight posters, not just rotating frisbees.
July 11th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Darn, I guess this means that Lubbock wines are also going to bite the dust.
July 11th, 2006 at 9:14 pm
Re: 4. BlackIsTheNewPink
Yep. You’re right. I’ve confirmed this with our weather guy. He says temps are rising, but by no fault of mankind… and we all know how good the weather guys are at getting the weather right. Every time.
July 12th, 2006 at 7:00 am
Re: 5. Don�t Mess w/ Pink
“too cute to be a dumbass.”
Somewhere, Jessica Simpson is breathing a sigh of relief.