Left. Left. Left Right Left. He Had a Good Job and he Left.
By TJ Shroat
Eileen called me at work on Monday.
Eileen (frantic): “I’m at the beach. Burka is launching his blog while I’m out of town. You have to write something.”
Me (confused): “Who is this?”
Eileen: “Paul Burka. From Texas Monthly. He’s got a blog now.”
Me: “No, who are you?”
Eileen (icily): “This is Eileen.”
Me: “Oh – and who is Paul Burka?”
Eileen: “He’s the Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly magazine. Remember, I wrote several posts about his criticism of blogs? And now he’s starting one, the hypocrite. Wait, you don’t read my posts, do you?”
Me: “No – yeah I read ‘em. I just don’t always understand them.”
Eileen: “Well, he’s deliberately starting his blog when I’m out of town on vacation so I can’t rip him a new corn-shoot. Well, he’s not going to get away with this.”
Me: “Burka could have blindfolded himself, thrown a dart at a calendar and probably hit a day that you’re on vacation.”
Eileen: “What?”
Me: “Huh? Nothing.”
Eileen: “He’s deliberately ducking me. He’s my arch-nemesis.”
Me: “I thought Doctor Octopus was your arch-nemesis.”
Eileen: “No, he’s my arch-enemy, and besides, he doesn’t have a blog. Burka is my arch-nemesis. Stop asking me questions and just do what I tell you!”
Me: “Crazybitchsayswhat?”
Eileen: “You’re stupid.”
Me: “No, you’re stupid.”
Eileen: “I hate you.”
Me: “I hate you.”
This is typical of most of our phone conversations.
Because I know what’s good for me, I’m not getting my patriotism on, until I’ve posted Eileen’s opening salvo in the (completely one-sided) ITPT/Burka Blog Battle:
By Eileen Smith
In between pictionary and reading ‘The Kennedy Curse’ (seriously, we are cursed), I just COULDN’T HELP MYSELF from logging on (who knew that Galveston had the Internets?) to sneak a peek at the celebrated new BurkaBlog. And by ‘celebrated,’ I mean ‘at least Evan Smith is reading.’ I think. But back to BurkaBlog. You know, I considered naming In the Pink… EileenBlog. Or SmithBlog. Or BabyGirlBlog. But I don’t have the street cred that Burka does. I just can’t help thinking that the folks over at Texas Monthly could’ve come up with something better than ‘BurkaBlog.’ Like ‘WelcomeTo1998-Here’sOurBlog.’
In Burka’s debut post, “That Blog Will Hunt,” he writes, “I’m taking up residence in the blogosphere but I’m not selling my uptown home.” Well, Paul, thanks for slumming with us. Paul does acknowledge that bloggers need a ‘thick skin.’ Like Lawrence Collins. I kid. After Lawrence’s last lobbying post, he has holed himself up in his duplex, only answering the door for the Mangia pizza man and the occasional single lady.
In all seriousness, the more blogs, the better. And if this experience helps Burka get a little more tech-savvy, perhaps he’ll stop dropping his emails off at the post office.
What’d she say?
July 4th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Well, I checked out Burka’s blog only because you pointed out that he had one. No one had commented, so I came back here to tell you that no one was commenting on his blog, so your’s is more popular.
July 4th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Re: 1. The Other Guy
Damn I wish you spell check on this thing.
July 4th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
It’s a holiday and I’m on my blog. It’s a sickness. Not even Burka’s blogging.
July 4th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Damn. That was me. I wish this thing had spell check.
July 4th, 2006 at 5:59 pm
Wow. He posted like four times in 24 hours in the midst of 4th of July. And no comments. None. He should get a life. Wait….I’m posting a comment on your blog on the 4th of July. I should…
July 4th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
boring. zzzzzzzzz
July 5th, 2006 at 8:12 am
His post on naming the guv’nor’s crib is soooo pink. You’d get much better names much faster….
July 5th, 2006 at 8:42 am
I posted on his “mansion” thread, but only because I felt sorry for him. The site’s kinda hard to navigate and you have to register and create a blog if you don’t want to post as “anonymous.” I don’t know why I cared about that, but I had to have my user name on there, dammit.
Also, he has to approve of comments before they post, so it may be that he has not yet read them, is some sort of Blog Nazi, or maybe naming houses and discussing HPD shortfalls is not really all that interesting to sane people.
July 5th, 2006 at 10:13 am
So he makes his blog difficult to use, sort of like an intellectual poll tax. And it’s not so democratic as, say, this blog, where even I can figure it out and comment. Tsk Tsk. Pink Lady, I was going to stay loyal anyway. I’m naturally drawn to the underground, rebel types.
July 5th, 2006 at 10:44 am
The real question is how committed is Burka to his blog: Will he track down and retrieve his blog in the face of extreme danger when a pack of young hooligans steal his laptop?
July 5th, 2006 at 10:52 am
You don’t think Eilleen will HUNT YOU DOWN if you comment on Burka’s blog? Personally, I’m waiting until she is back in Austin, since right now she’s a mere 45 minutes away.
/You a little soggy PL? Great weather, huh? I’m mildewing.
July 5th, 2006 at 11:25 am
I ain’t worried about it. Although she’s a mere 10 minutes away from me, she can’t get in the gates. Well, I guess she technically could, but it would take some Jane Bond work on her part to do so unnoticed, not to mention getting in my office.
Besides, I don’t think I’m very significant on this blog. I always read (since a couple of weeks ago), occasionally post, and almost never get a response. Thanks for yours, assuming that’s what it was.
July 5th, 2006 at 11:47 am
Re: 12. txstater
We’re all insignificant on this blog. Peasants to Eileen’s queen. Handmaidens to the czarina. That’s just the way it is.
July 5th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
Re: 13. Don�t Mess w/ Pink
Oh yeah. The loyal subjects wash the feet of our illustrious Queen Pink. I’m not going anywhere near that Burka Blog. I don’t want to anger her supreme highness.
July 5th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
Re: 4. Pink Lady
I was high on freedom. Couldn’t read or write.
July 5th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
After noting that he has posted twice since I did and that mine is still not there, I conclude that the Burkablog is probably receiving comments, but is too high-falootin’ to post them.
Maybe it was my suggestion to name it the “Marilyn Mansion.” But I did offer other, reasonable, suggestions he coulda used…
July 5th, 2006 at 1:38 pm
PL:
What happens when you mix six inches of rain and all that tar on Galveston Beach? Is it tasty?
Now for something completely different …
Burka is a proud native son of Galveston and clerked the Senate Natural Resources Committee, then led by Galveston Senator Babe Schwartz, who was beat by Buster Brown, who went on to chair the Natural Resources Committee.
Not many people realize that LaMarque — home to Kay Bailey Hutchison — is in Galveston, not Harris, County. I think Kay and Burka went to law school together.
Glen Campbell, who performed the hit song “Galveston,” is a Yankee — but he did play for the Beach Boys.
When people think of the recently departed George Mitchell, they usually think “rich oil man” or “guy who created The Woodlands.” But he did a lot to revitalize Galveston.
Speaking of the really recently departed, Ken Lay, remember that he and Linda spent most weekends in Galveston.
Finally, don’t f*uck with Bob Durst.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Maybe Burka has not figured out how to move comments from his “approval queue” to the actual blog. Or, perhaps he’s ordered one of the Junior Executive Editors to take them to the post office.
BTW, there is a spell check feature with the Google toolbar. I wouldn’t browse without it. I do wish it was automatic though.
txstater – we are all small, meek and insignificant commenters together, except for some of us.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
If we could get this blog displayed on HEB check out stands across the state, Burka would be yesterday’s news. I like Marilyn Mansion. It would go very nicely in a news story about Alex Jones protesting by himself…
July 5th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Re: DCat, DMWP, TOG
Now y’all are just patronizing me.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Re: 14. hyped on coffee
… s’long as it doesn’t involve painting the roses pink
July 5th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Re: 21. txstater
As Your Personal Public Servant �
I never, ever patronize. Irony impairment is a crippling handicap that affects millions of Americans. I just wanted you to know you’re read, and acknowledge that some of these people are double-plus smart, wicked kewl and truly talented. (you know who you are, but some of you don’t)
I’m picky about where I choose to join the national dialog. I choose Pink! I will hate any blog PL tells me to.
July 5th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
I take it all back. Burka has posted my comment, along with several others. I am now somewhat significant in Texas Monthly and in The Pink World.
Now that that’s out of the way, I promise to never, ever post on it again. Please don’t hurt me.
July 5th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Re: 24. txstater
I really do like the Marilyn Mansion idea. Tongue in cheek of course. What were your other ideas?…wait, that was that other blog I don’t participate on. Anyway, no patronizing here. I like your website. Give ‘em hell!!
July 5th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
!7. NOITALL
Apparently you don’t, because George Mitchell is still very much alive.
July 5th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Re: 26. pinkme
I sure hope you’re right. A great Texan.
July 5th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Is that the same Burka who wanted to be a lawyer and decided later that he didn’t reaally want to be a lawyer or couldn’t figure out how to be a damned ol’ texas lawyer who turned to writing and after having written a hate piece on William Wayne Justice years back realized he didn’t really know how to write and now he’s getting some revenge? To hell with him.
July 6th, 2006 at 11:41 am
Re: 25. The Other Guy
Stuff like: “The Governor’s Mansion,” “The Governor’s Mansion of the State of Texas” (or something like that). My post was merely an attempt to point out what a dumb idea it was to name the mansion, which, I guess is what Burka’s point was. Of course, he may be serious; the only knowledge I have of him is what I’ve gained on ITPT.
Thanks for the kudos. When I get it up and running (assuming I ever get the time and space on my C:), I’ll flaunt it shamelessly here. Assuming, of course, the PL doesn’t git me for posting on the Burkablog first.
July 6th, 2006 at 11:53 am
PL: Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the weather.
Re: 17. NOITALL
If’n your casting out Galveston references I’d recommend you credit Jimmy Webb vs “yankee” Glen. At least Jimmy has some Oklahoma/Texas bonafides. Now ol’ Glen dallied a bit with Texan Tanya Tucker, but Jimmy is a far better songwriter. He was about 20 when he wrote Galveston, Wichita Lineman, Up Up and Away, and all them.
Elk City isn’t Texas but you can see Texas from there (during grassfires and duststorms at least).
/always credit the songwriter
July 6th, 2006 at 2:51 pm
Re: 18. I Hate Dallas
Was that necessary? Honestly.
July 7th, 2006 at 9:27 am
Maybe the regular practice will improve his writing. He’s admirably well-connected, but it seems like I haven’t read a memorable turn of phrase from Burka since the ’80s
July 7th, 2006 at 10:28 am
He was great as Captain Kangaroo.
July 7th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Re: 32. Gritsforbreakfast
Maybe, but the headlines on the TM Delay cover and article were pretty good … “Don’t Let the Door Hit You” and “Without Delay,” respectively.
/Having the cover framed and placed next to my ITPT/PD “Session Crashers” poster.
July 7th, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Re: 34. Don�t Mess w/ Pink
a) Yeah, those were hard to come up with /sarcasm, and b) big mags (and newspapers) usually have separate headline writers. Not like writing down here in the bloggy slums where we mere mortals must pen our own headlines AND perform our own research. (Okay, that /sarcasm tag didn’t work very well.
I think it doesn’t work without those carat >
July 7th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Is this the same Paul Burka who started the George W Bush journalistic lovefest? The one that jumped on the presidential bandwagon because, you know, that Georgie is just so darned NICE and he just deserves to be president and what’s more he even calls me by my first name when he can’t remember the cute little nickname he invented for me? The same Burka who mistook W’s cocksure idiocy for some kind of folksy Texas charm? THAT Burka? The same one that only just recently fell off the fourth estate presidential party bandwagon when he realized just what a godawful President he had helped spawn? Now there’s a blogger whose opinion I’ll trust.
July 7th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
This post is in Austinist’s best of the blogs this week.
July 7th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
Re: 37. eliz. s.
I don’t know what to say. This is such a surprise. Let me pull out this speech from my back pocket.
July 7th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
Re: 36. sycophantblog.com
Well put.
And yes, Grits, I know the writers don’t write the headlines. I still was a little (pleasantly) surprised to see “Don’t Let the Door Hit You” on the cover. They’re usually not that snarky, even when it’s easy.
July 7th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
Re: 39. Don�t Mess w/ Pink
Shit. We’re supposed to know how to WRITE? Turn a phrase?
Well smack my ass and call me shortcake.
July 7th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Re: 40. lurkette
shortcake.
July 8th, 2006 at 9:00 am
Re: 40. lurkette
I would smack your ass, but said act would cause the terrorists to win by wrapping Christians in the flag and burning them. Or so I’ve heard, shortcake.
July 12th, 2006 at 11:22 am
As of 07/12/06 the latest count is:
Number of posts by Burka: 22
Number of comments in response to Burka’s “insights”: 35
Which means…
Average comments per post: 1.59
Which means…
a) virtually no-one’s reading Burka’s blog
or
b) virtually no-one’s commenting on Burka’s blog
or
c) Burka is a blowhard that no-one bothers to take seriously anymore
or
d) Burka really means a long loose body covering garment with holes for the eyes, as worn by some Muslim women, that makes it difficult for us to see what’s really underneath.
June 20th, 2007 at 10:29 am
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