THE ELECTION WILL BE TWITTERVISED
OMG WHAT TIME IS IT??
You would not believe the day I’ve had. I went to Maplewood elementary to vote this morning and there was like an 8-hour line. But that’s OK because it gave me plenty of time to test the precinct judges on appropriate voting apparel. I walked in wearing an Obama/Biden 2012 t-shirt and they told me I had to take it off. I’m way ahead of you, I said, removing that shirt to reveal a Hillary 2008 t-shirt. They looked at me. Ma’am, you can’t wear that either. I shrugged, pulling off that shirt so they could see my homemade bedazzled VFOOYAI tank top. They let me through but BURN ON THEM because clearly that is a deadly partisan acronym.
Then one of the omnipresent nonagenarians told me I had to turn off my cellphone and I was like, seriously Grandma? Should I have brought my telegraph instead? And what exactly is the problem anyway? Are we on a PLANE? Is my texting disrupting flight communications? I ended up turning it off and proceeded to sigh heavily and roll my eyes at the other people in line but after holding everyone up with my t-shirt shenanigans they weren’t especially sympathetic.
After that harrowing time suck, I went to get my hair re-blonded (while I’m a natural blond I’m more of a dishwater blond which is only slightly more attractive than being brunette) and this older woman walked in acting all stressed and saying how NERVOUS she was as she sat in the chair next to mine. I smiled and nodded, ready to tell her about my plan to be cryogenically frozen until 2016 if Romney wins and then be thawed out in time to watch Hillary beat him senseless. But when the woman got up to take a phone call my hairdresser warned me not to say anything because the woman’s a big-time Republican and they didn’t want to lose her as a client. She came back with a full glass of chardonnay—IT WAS NOON—and I had to just sit there. Absolute torture.
I intend to find that woman tonight after the results are in and Obama wins reelection so I can confront her saying, REMEMBER ME? IN YOUR FACE.
(I will be tweeting tonight in case you want to follow my increasingly incoherent ramblings @EileenDSmith.)
November 6th, 2012 at 4:28 pm
Are you going to drunkblog the election????
November 6th, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Hair salon wine? Is that anything like that salon shampoo that’s basically the same soap that’s in the $2 shampoo you get at Target, but smells different and costs $16 a pint? Yeah, I know, I’m totally THAT husband who asks, Where the hell did this come from?
But what do I know…my wine comes out of a box ($1 a pint)
BTW, its not the phone so much as the camera or video aspect of the phone.
November 6th, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Six years ago tonight, I met many of the fine folks here at ITPT for the very first time. My life is immeasurably richer for it. My sincere thanks to PL for continuing to provide us kids with a playground. Happy Election Night and Happy Anniversary, Y’all. Here’s hoping for the best possible outcome.
eileen Reply:
November 6th, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Six years…
lush Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 10:27 am
LOL. My favorite was the one of me and DMw/P. But this one’s great, too. Mostly because TP can’t wear that shirt anymore. Nor can most of the women I became friends with following that night. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again… DIBS!
November 6th, 2012 at 7:46 pm
My favorite Eileen Smith quote from the 2012 election season:”PLAYING THE FRENCH HORN IN CHURCH DOES NOT EXCUSE THAT!”
Thanks for all the laughs, Eileen!
November 7th, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Whew! After being buffeted to death by R rants on Facebook, I’m moving over here for a few days!
How do normally nice people lose any shred of politeness when it comes to politics? It’s like they all of a sudden go Batsh*t Crazy, and I mean that in the disturbed institutional sense.
treehugger in huaco Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 4:35 pm
I hear you. I gently suggested on someone’s rant post that a more moderate stance on immigration would have won the election. You’d have thought I was suggesting taking a crap in the collection plate. I thought it was funny. After work I think I’ll go poke the ant bed again. One guy actually threatened to beat me up…for Jesus I guess. I wasn’t even “spiking the ball,” just making what I thought was a constructive observation.
Cindy Reply:
November 7th, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Don’t forget – they’ve got guns! And Jesus right there telling them who to hate and where to point the barrel!
November 7th, 2012 at 1:50 pm
IF THEIR CAPS LOCK KEY ever broke they wouldn’t be able to post. I’m noticing a lot less twitter and FB rants now. Of course most of the trolls are just getting their second wind. I have learned to have a grudging respect for David Frum over the past few months.