Spitzer? I Hardly Paid Her!

March 13, 2008 - 10:42 am 5 Comments

Despite allegations that one of Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s career-ending trysts occurred in Dallas, officials contend that the Big D is not the Big O.

“We haven’t seen a significant number of high-end escort services in the city,” said Dallas police deputy chief Julian Bernal. “They could exist, but they might be so exclusive we wouldn’t know about it.” The Emperors Club VIP, he said, “had not come across our radar.”

The majority of Dallas’ escorts are “independent operators,” who are lucky to get a few free drinks and cab fare for their low-end services, never mind $5,500.

According to a former independent escort and stripper in Dallas, Amanda Brooks, there are no elite prostitution agencies in the metro area. Brooks is the author of The Internet Escort’s Handbook, so she should know.

“Dallas is very much a one-hour town” where clients tend to prefer “a girl next door,” Brooks said. Yeah, give me that hooker who looks like Meg Ryan.

Eliot Spitzer: Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you.
Girl-Next-Door Hooker: Yes it is. You are a human affront to all high-end call girls and I am a high-end call girl.
Spitzer: Hey, I don’t feel great about this whole international prostitution ring thing but I don’t hear anyone complaining.
Hooker: Of course not, you’re out the door too fast!
Spitzer: I think they have an OK time.
Hooker: How do you know?
Spitzer: What do you mean how do I know? I know.
Hooker: Because they…
Spitzer: Yes, because they…
Hooker: And how do you know that they really…
Spitzer: What are you saying, that they fake orgasm?
Hooker: It’s possible.
Spitzer: For $5,000? Get outta here!
Hooker: Why? Most Emperors Club women at one time or another have faked it.
Spitzer: Well they haven’t faked it with me.
Hooker: How do you know?
Spitzer: Because I know.
Hooker: Oh, right, that’s right, I forgot, you’re a governor.
Spitzer: What is that supposed to mean?
Hooker: Nothing. It’s just that all governors are sure it never happened to them and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.

5 Responses to “Spitzer? I Hardly Paid Her!”

  1. Wallflower Jr. Says:

    Onlooker/Wiretap Agent: I’ll have what she’s having.

  2. Amy S Says:

    And who is the dog in this scenario?

  3. Wallflower Jr. Says:

    He is. He is the dog.

    (which is why he travels with a collar and leash…)

  4. Pink Lady Says:

    Don’t f*uck with Mr. Zero.

  5. Commie Pinko Says:

    They get the big bucks because they guarantee not to fake any orgasm.