Something to Sing About
Yesterday I received a Christmas gift to end all Christmas gifts. Something I’ve been working toward what feels like my entire life. The Gold Level of My Starbucks Rewards. They are sending me a personalized gold card in the mail which won’t arrive for 6-8 weeks so this morning I had to show the barista the good news on my laptop. I expected a little more enthusiasm on her part but since it’s the Christmas season I still gave her a 25 cent tip.
Of course, when I say that this is my best Christmas present ever I’m exaggerating because YOU are my best Christmas present ever. The readers who have stayed with me over the years in good times and in bad. Keeping with holiday tradition, I will now write a heartwarming Christmas post (see: 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010).
Every Christmas, I’ve wondered what has happened to caroling, otherwise known as wassailing for those of you born in the Middle Ages. When I was a little girl we always had carolers come by our house, carrying candles and song books, bundled up in coats and scarves. I would hide behind my mother as she answered the door, especially if one of the nuns had walked down from the convent brandishing her guitar. Unlike my neighbors, I saw no reason to go door to door unless it was Halloween and they were handing out free candy. And even then I usually had my older sisters go up to the house because I was scared of grown-ups. (Naturally they would take half as their tithe.) My parents would invite them in for holiday drinks and general merriment until one of the neighbors invariably passed out and ruined Christmas.
No one goes caroling these days. The one time I saw a group of people approaching my door I screamed HIT THE DECK and didn’t get up until they left. (I spent the next two days apologizing to my in-laws.) People don’t know their neighbors these days. I only know my next-door neighbors, whose little girl came over yesterday to tell me that the only thing she wants for Christmas is to go to the North Pole and meet Santa because she’s not sure if he’s real. I had to bite my tongue until it bled.
You know, it only takes one person to change the world. One person with a voice and a Starbucks gold card. I plan to go caroling this weekend and hopefully convince people to come out of their houses and join me. If they don’t I will sing Buster Poindexter’s classic, “Zat You, Santa Claus?,” until they have no choice but to join me.
So go ahead. Go wassail. Spread joy. And have yourself a merry little Christmas.
December 22nd, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Hope your caroling does not get you in trouble with the City’s noise police or result in someone calling out the Animal Patrol to stop cat fights.
December 22nd, 2011 at 1:02 pm
You know why nobody carols? The pay sucks, unless your are Calista Gingrich III who is a paid member of her church choir.
December 22nd, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Merry Christmas, Elieen, Illin, or however it is you spell your damn name. Thank you for spreading your particular brand of snarkasm and cheer throughout the year. We depend on you, and you always come through! Have a great one!
December 22nd, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Merry Christmas, Elieen. And, may you always be give the renewal of your wit with each New Year.
December 22nd, 2011 at 1:59 pm
It’s a sign that you need to leave that heat-stricken godless state and come back to Virginia. People carol in my neighborhood every year, followed by a raucous wine tasting. Sounds like your kind of town. (I’m not giving up on the campaign to get you back home where you belong.)
eileen Reply:
December 22nd, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Yes but someone will have to kick out that family who bought my old house on Forest Villa.
Don't Mess w/Pink Reply:
December 22nd, 2011 at 3:01 pm
You can’t have her, she’s ours!
December 22nd, 2011 at 2:34 pm
As I read your post, my eyes got misty, a lump rose in my throat, and my lower lip began to quiver. I’m happy to inform you that people do still go caroling. The other night I sat in my den, sipping on my 2nd beer, and watching the comedian Ron White on his CMT Christmas special. As I watched, I heard movement outside my front door. Suddenly, like a covey of quail springing into flight, there was a mass of rapping and door bell ringing. My front door has a large stained glass insert and a flash of many lights appeared. I felt like Richard Dreyfuss in ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’. I know the economy is down and I thought some bold thugs or worse yet, Republicans, were about to crash my door. Then a group of adults began singing “Oh Come All Ye Faithful….!” Scared the … well let’s just say it scared me. I did not answer the door although they could hear my TV and could see all the lights on in the house. I didn’t think me answering the door in my boxers with a beer would set the right example for all the little carolers. Luckily they only stayed for one verse before moving on. I knew their parents would explain it to the children somehow. So if this is any indication, I’d better brush up on my Auld Lang Syne.
Merry Christmas and Happy 2012.
P.S. If you’re in the neighborhood, drop by… but call first.
December 22nd, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Thanks for another year of laughs, PL!
December 22nd, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Where will you be vacationing this weekend (or week)?
December 22nd, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I can see you in your cheerleader outfit (the one trimmed with dyed red reindeer skin) doing our favorite Christmas cheer:
“Hail Mary full of grace,
Swing those beads all over the place.”
Or Tom Lerher’s classic
First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!
Do whatever steps you want if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin’ the Vatican Rag.
Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional.
There the guy who’s got religion’ll
Tell you if your sin’s original.
If it is, try playin’ it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!
So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!
Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman;
Ave Maria,
Gee, it’s good to see ya.
Gettin’ ecstatic an’ sorta dramatic an’
Doin’ the Vatican Rag
December 24th, 2011 at 10:13 am
What a lovely Christmas gift for all those relatives and friends you left behind in VA: http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/12/24/us-usa-campaign-virginia-idUSTRE7BN09E20111224
Eileen Reply:
December 24th, 2011 at 11:10 am
Merry Christmas to all!!!
December 25th, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Happy Birthday Chuy! Warm wishes all y’all!
December 27th, 2011 at 10:54 am
We have to tip at starbucks?