Please Speak Slowly, I’m the Youngest
When I was younger, my older sister and I attended St. John’s Catholic School. When my sister was about to enter seventh grade, my parents, concerned that the “curriculum” at St. John’s might not be challenging enough, decided that she should have her I.Q. tested. And then they decided they might as well get me tested too. (After all, I had been moved to the third grade reading group when I was only in second grade, becoming the envy of all my lesser classmates.)
To say that St. John’s did not provide an adequate education is an understatement. Unless you consider going to a convent for field trips “educational.” We didn’t have a gym so we “worked out” in an empty classroom. We went to mass, like, every day and had to sing at the top of our lungs to please the nun playing guitar.
We had to brown bag it (the school only distributed tiny cartons of milk) unless it was the first Wednesday of the month when we could purchase McDonald’s hamburgers with a “ticket.” Our library contained four books. The school band (I was the first chair flutist) was forced to march to each classroom on big football game days and play “Hail to the Redskins.”
Square dancing in plaid jumpers was mandatory.
Now, where was I? Ah, yes, the I.Q. test. After my parents reviewed the results, they pulled my older sister from St. John’s immediately and enrolled her in the much-respected NOVA public school system. They left me at St. John’s.
So, I suppose it isn’t too much of a surprise that researchers have found that birth order relates to higher I.Q.’s – the youngest being the dumbest, which is to say ‘least smartest.’ The eldest siblings tend to develop higher I.Q.’s – roughly three points higher than their younger counterparts. I have two older sisters and we are all two years apart, which means my oldest sister is 34 years old.
Researchers reported that that eldest children scored an average of 103.2, about 3 percent higher than second children (100.3) and 4 percent higher than thirdborns (99.0). Which could explain why I’m a blogger wearing a “These Are Not Talking Points” t-shirt.
June 25th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Tarbs evah rewol s’.Q.I
June 25th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
If you want us to believe you have a low I.Q. you’re going to be very disappointed.
June 25th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I suppose you claim knee size is also determined by birth order.
June 25th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Your older sister probably got your share of the knees too! Life is cruel.
June 25th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Damnit, I was scooped by Big X!
June 25th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Re: 1. JohnCornyn’sBoxTurtle
Still hurts.
June 25th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Fortunately, Eileen’s oldest sister is completely made up, meaning Eileen isn’t as dumb as she thinks.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Re: 1. JohnCornyn’sBoxTurtle
Sbart have lower I.Q’s?
/people who try to spell backwards are Brats.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
We may be dumber, but we’re a hell of a lot more fun.
June 25th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
and IQ means NOTHING.
MIne is 146
June 26th, 2007 at 9:08 am
I’m oldest.
My younger sister married well, and lives in a mansion on the edge of whatever that big golf course is, in Jacksonville Fla.
Sometimes being a dumb blond works out just fine.
June 26th, 2007 at 9:09 am
oops, that was me.
I don’t need DMw/P putting out any APBs on me. The whole secret to bureaucratic success is keeping a low profile.
June 26th, 2007 at 9:27 am
“I was the first chair flutist”
/ one time, at band camp …
June 26th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Re: 9. Don’t Mess w/ Pink
I resemble that remark.
June 26th, 2007 at 10:06 am
No one has yet demanded a picture of the T-shirt!
Travesty, a travesty I tell you!
June 26th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Re: 11. Anonymous
AMEN to that! Dumb people are the happiest people I know.
June 26th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Eileen does not have the lowest IQ in the family. I am the oldest and have the lowest. I also stayed at St. John’s through 8th grade and went on to Bishop O’Connell. I read that article the other day and thought it was hilariously untrue when it comes to our family’s birth order.
Also, as a special education teacher who has done a lot of academic and cognitive testing in my time, I can say that IQ points can vary based on the child’s age, time of day tested, etc. Sister, you DEFINITELY are gifted and would qualify for a TAG program in most districts in the country.
June 26th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
also, I was a first chair flutist in fourth grade and never attended band class
and when St. J’s didn’t have a gym teacher, it was overweight Sister Johnmarie out there teaching kickball
scary
June 27th, 2007 at 7:44 am
I played clarinet but can’t remember what chair I was. The “band” class was in the “old church” and I bet all we played were hymns.
I evol eht golb, neelie… I think you have to have at least a 95 I.Q. to write such clever stuff! For those of us who are out-of-the-loop (read: drinking too much wine to watch the news) — you make politics interesting.
June 27th, 2007 at 10:32 am
I am totally going to try to qualify for the Gifted and Talented Program.
RE: 18. oldest sister
Oh My God. Sister John Marie. I could’ve gone my entire life without hearing that name again. (How about Sister Mary Donald? Ronald?)
RE: 19. The middle Sis
“For those of us who are out-of-the-loop (read: drinking too much wine to watch the news)…”
You forgot, “While trying not to trip over my four sons.”