No, YOU Come On
I imagine there are more important things for me to worry about than the fact that most Starbucks baristas in the greater Austin area do not know how to spell Eileen. However, since I can’t seem to pass a comprehensive economic recovery plan, I think I’ll just rant on this.
IS IT SO HARD TO SPELL MY NAME?!
Since Starbucks started writing names on their cups, it’s become painfully obvious that most people think Eileen is spelled “Ilene.” Now does that look right to you? Perhaps you’re thinking of “Irene.” Here are some other misspellings: Ilean, Eilleen, and Eilene.
How is it that everyone knows all the words to that celebrated one-hit wonder of the 80’s, but they can’t remember that the song was, “Come On, Eileen.” Not “Come On, Ilene.” It was also not “Come On, Elaine.” Or “Ellen.” Or “Ailene.” Yes, I love that you can hum the song right after you ask for my name. Yes, it’s funny when you wink and say, I bet you’ve never heard that before! Get my coffee. You are wasting my time.
One time my latte got ICE COLD because the barista kept yelling, “Aspen? Your drink’s ready… Aspen? I’ve got a latte waiting at the bar for Aspen.” I looked around and, several minutes later, realized that she must be talking to me. I also noticed that everyone had turned around, waiting to see what a girl named “Aspen” looked like.
However, on Saturday morning when I went to get my no-water soy chai, after yoga class, before a shower, yes I looked lovely, a Starbucks employee at a location not to be mentioned provided me with a scribbled version of my name that trumps them all. IIIIN. Like four Roman Numeral I’s (as opposed to the Roman Numeral IV) followed by an N. I am no longer a name. I am a number.
I am… Spartacus.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
OK, this is kind of embarrassing, but chalk it up to my being a copy editor. The name of the ’80s song is actually “Come On Eileen.” No comma. Think about that for (only) a second, and please remember not to shoot the messenger. Or on the messenger, as it were.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Your name is Eileen? YOU don’t have a Starbucks name? Mine is “jemima.” and before you deride me for my racist undertones, I want you to know that it’s after jemima kahn, not the pancake making aunt.
You could be Spartacus. Or Pink. Or Kennedy. Or Chardonnay. In fact, if you were to have the soy chai CHARDONNAY latte, you might not actually care how the dropouts with the fancy job title spell your name.
My two cents. O’P
September 30th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Re: 1. O’Pine
she could be ‘Pink Lady” or “Pink I (eye)”
/oh shit , now I’ve done it.
///my starbucks name: drive by
September 30th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Your problem is corporate coffee – if you went someplace local, then they would KNOW your name, and how to spell it. My coffee people know what I want and start it when they see me headin’ for the door – now that’s service.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Who am I? I’m Jean Valjean! 24601!
/Hush Lurkette
September 30th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
how exactly did the barista pronounce that when she called out to let you know that your no water soy chi was ready?
September 30th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
How about “which way do you lean?” You ever hear that one?
I almost fired an intern back in 2001 for saying that to you, cuz I didn’t get it and thought he was being dirty… and I wasn’t actually sure which way you leaned, and didn’t want to intrude.
Re: 3. Austinmom
Anybody got a link to share with Austinmom? Help her get up to speed?
September 30th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Dexy’s Midnight Runners ….. One hit wonder?! How much you missed by not being a teenager in the UK during their hallowed run.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
They always spell my name right. But I prefer Dunkin Donuts.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:19 am
Lighten up Arlene!
October 1st, 2008 at 9:01 am
I love the fact that someone just happened to be present to take a picture of you drinking said IIIIN coffee, and you just happened to have a perfectly placed wisp of hair lying across your cheek.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:02 am
Recycle your cup, silly. Of course there’s no telling what kind of nifty critters like to use soy chai as a growth medium. Wash, rinse, repeat, refill.
/token environmentalista comment in honor of my alias
October 1st, 2008 at 9:35 am
I totally pegged you to have the Starbucks name “Hillary.” I used “Hussein” for a while during all that “I am Hussein” business. That always got a big grin from my favorite neighborhood barista, but I also got looks of horror from several of my fellow Tarrytown customers. Loosen up – have fun with it. I’m sure we could come up with many Starbucks names for you.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:46 am
You should hear what they call me.
//Not something you should really do to a chicken.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:46 am
Don’t be so damn picky, Eyelean.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:51 am
I’ve never understood the whole fascination with Starbucks — the coffee isn’t all that great, and I can never rememberwhether I need venti or grande or whatever. Why not just small, medium and large? Mom and Pop cafe’s are so much cooler. Starbucks = consumer whore.
The best coffee is Community, although you’d have to drive to New Orleans to get a cup. If anyone knows where to get a cup of Community coffee in Houston, please let me know …
October 1st, 2008 at 10:19 am
Re: 11. Dave
Community coffee? I can agree with you on that, but Mom and Pop’s cafe are not so good for decent coffee. Conversation? Pie? Oh yeah, youbetcha. Coffee? Not so much. Community coffee is sold in supermarkets in Austin and Dallas, so I reckon they’ve got it in Houston somewheres. Don’t waste your money on anything but the dark roast, btw. And, fyi, its based out of Baton Rouge. The best coffee (pre-ground packaged variety) comes from Puerto Rico and you can’t get it here. And just ask for large…even a barrista (wtf?) can understand that.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:35 am
Re: 12. Treehugger
Did the word barrista exist before Starbucks?
October 1st, 2008 at 10:44 am
Re: 1. bevotee
My whole life, I thought there was a comma. No wonder so many things have gone wrong.
Re: 4. austinmom
Those people at Little City don’t care what your name is because you don’t care about their band.
http://www.inthepinktexas.com/2007/05/11/star-buckers/
Re: 5. Lefty
Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men?
Re: 7. Fled
Should’ve fired him.
Re: 11. LegeBoy
It was Smooch.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:56 am
I read it as “illin” as in the fantastic Run DMC Song, “You be Illin'”!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sfDafkKetA
Is that a compliment?
October 1st, 2008 at 11:01 am
Re: 16. Dave
You did not just call Aye-lean a whore!
/Her knees are too small.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:18 am
Re: 16. Dave
I am anti starbucks…..re: Simpsons walk into the mall, and it’s all starbucks………
so Dav e, we got that goin’,pal.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:25 am
Re: 19. Pink Lady
It is the music of a people Who will not be slaves again!
/Clay, call me!
October 1st, 2008 at 11:30 am
Maybe you should tell them your name is “Bitch and Moan.”
October 1st, 2008 at 11:37 am
Just saying, there seem to be alot of wrinkles around the eyes in the one pic. You can see the beginning of small bags under them too. Oh, just after yoga, no makeup on, I understand now.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:39 am
too much substance here. already i’m dizzy
October 1st, 2008 at 11:43 am
If you insist on being an 80s reference, you be illin’.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:45 am
Re: 24. Jesus B. Ochoa
have a cup of coffee.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:56 am
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg?
A: Eileen
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?
A: Irene
October 1st, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Re: 23. ftwsteve
There is really nothing we can do to save you.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Re: 23. ftwsteve
Don’t be a dick or you’ll meet a Bobbit.
My Starbucks name is “Last Call.” I always answer.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Re: 26. Don’t Mess w/ Pink
Gosh I just hope Cr, L, L and Double T jump him too……
/finally ,everyone off my ass
/ NAAAAAAAAAAAAA………..probably not
October 1st, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Re: 25. ftwsteve
You try writing a blog for 3+ fuckin’ ye*ars and we’ll see how YOUR crow’s feet are.
October 1st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Re: 23. Lefty
Drink with me to days gone by!
October 1st, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Re: 33. Pink Lady
Laugh lines, PL. Crow’s feet are on WTX ranchers/rancher’s wives. Laughing v. squinting but same long term result.
October 1st, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Re: 35. Treehugger
Just what are saying about me?
October 1st, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Re: 7. Fled Paulson Asylum
Up to speed on what – not getting my coffee from Starbucks?
Please.
October 1st, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Re: 19. Pink Lady
I am SO not beautiful enough for Little City – but Chuck, at Upper Crust, knows exactly what I want in my mocha.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Re: 36. West Texas Hillbilly
Seek shade, wear shades, moisturize. Make the wrinkles quality ones.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
What’s up with the watery soy chai’s? Driving me crazy. I kinda feel like a brat ordering now, with four adjectives describing my drink.
I was totally chastised the other day at a cafe. I ordered a soy chai latte and it smelled soooo delicious but just didn’t have any taste (although I am a little oversensitive since they’ve started watering down the drink at Starbucks). After everyone at my table had tasted it and agreed that something was wrong, I went to the counter and asked for more chai. The woman at the counter told me, “Yeah, you’re probably just used to Starbucks chai, the Tazo or Oregon chai out of the box. That’s all sugar. We use *real* tea here. I could give you another tea bag, if you want. Or there’s some sugar water that you can add over there on that counter, if you want candy.”
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 am
Re: 38. Austinmom
UC coffee sucks. And the cinnamon rolls are too delicious to resist. And I can’t get my GD double jogging stroller in there. You must live near me. Have you tried Pacha.
And I like starbucks coffee. I don’t want to like it. I. Just. Do.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:32 am
Re: 40. awink
You’ve got to ask for no-water chai. And avoid that snooty cafe.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Oh how I feel for you, and can sympathize – the snooty coffeemakers never even try to write my name on the cup anymore – they also don’t believe it when I tell them it’s my real name. They also don’t believe it when I tell them that yes, I’ve been called taliwacker, tali-ho, taliban, etc. etc. and get their feelings hurt when I tell them they need to get creative. Only one of the many reasons that I don’t go there anymore – the other is the nasty chai’s
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I always make up names….it’s kinda fun.
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Re: 44. Tom Collins
And the ladies love it, too.