Paul Burka’s Texas Monthly cover story profiling the “Top 25 Most Powerful People in Texas” – reads like a high school yearbook’s superlative list.

Burka makes such a monumental effort to stipulate the new parameters of Texas power that we thought his choices warranted a closer look at the individuals he anoints as kings or kingmakers.

According to Burka, there are four components of power: money, institutional knowledge, relationships and, apparently, knowing Paul Burka.

For instance – there are only three elected officials that made Burka’s grade as the most powerful people. This either says something about the people we’re electing, or it says that Burka doesn’t like them all that much, except Speaker Tom Craddick, who graces the cover, the word ‘Power’ emblazoned across his chest like a legislative Superman.

Pundits like Burka seem so cozy with certain officials that they completely ignore the people who actually harness legitimate power, not to be confused with your lobbyist lapdogs or leadership groupies.

In his search for the proverbial eight-hundred-pound gorillas in the mist, Burka misses the real power-brokers. Not the ones pounding their chests but the silverbacks who are actually taking names and kicking ass.

So here’s our take on Burka’s list…

Ronnie Earle, Second in Command?

Ronnie Earle is the Travis County District Attorney, the Big D who has made plenty of noise with a mess of indictments against cronies of House Majority Leader Tom “Tub Thumper” DeLay and corporate honchos. Money laundering? Check. Corporate contributions? Check.

Ronnie’s gotten a lot of press, both national and statewide, but if media attention makes you powerful, then Paris Hilton would be President.

Respected? Of course. Tough attorney? No doubt. Risk taker? Clearly. Newsworthy? Oh yes. Gifted and dedicated politician? Certainly. More swat than anyone in the state except Speaker Craddick? Now that’s just crazy talk.

If Earle even gets one indictment under his belt, not only will we be shocked and awed, but his power will be zapped. Couple this with Earle’s imminent retirement, and he’s a one trick pony.

Drinks Now Being Served in the Lobby: Buddy Jones, Rusty Kelly, Bill Messer, Mike Toomey

Been there. Done that.

Sure, these four guys in their 50s are powerful lobbyists. They’ve been around the old block more times than DPS. But when do you become old news?

Buddy Jones, Co-founder of HillCo Partners. I guess this is what happens when a one-term legislator loses a Senate race. Now he runs with the big dogs. Note: One time he made me shake his pinky. It weirded me out a little but I guess that’s just how he rolls.

Rusty Kelly, Public Strategies, Inc. Earned his lobbying chops by passing a bill establishing a taxing district for the Texas Rangers baseball club. Maybe he can tell us a thing or two about steroids.

Bill Messer, Texas Lobby Group. There’s just something inherently evil about someone who represents the Texans for Lawsuit Reform and McDonald. Isn’t that a conflict of interest? What about that scalding hot coffee they serve?!

Mike Toomey. Hmmmm… from Lobbyist to Perry Henchman to Lobbyist. He didn’t even have to change his business cards.

If you want to talk real power, how about those lobsters in the higher education tank?

We’re talking about UT Chancellor Mark Yudoff, A&M Chancellor Bob McTeer and Texas Tech Chancellor David Smith.

These universities produce our doctors, lawyers and engineers. They employ high profile researchers, manage multi-billion dollar investment houses and oversee dozens of institutions of higher education around the state, as well as powerful and vocal alumni associations.

The Chancellors own this town. They probably own you. Perhaps you’ve driven past their prime waterfront properties along Lake Austin, or their hundreds of sections of land holdings out in West Texas. These are the men who impact the tuition our kids and parents pay.

McTeer’s a former president of the Federal Reserve Bank in Dallas. Yudof’s comfy public housing in Tarrytown is just a stone’s throw away from the Governor’s “Mansion.” Smith is a respected doctor and former state Health Commissioner. It’s not like we’re talking about the three stooges – but somehow, they didn’t make Burka’s cut.

These guys broker the deals and move legislation – and not only in the public sector. (Been out to UT’s swanky new golf course in West Travis County? FORE! Talk about your country clubbin’. )

But most importantly and above all else – are you ready for some FOOTBALL? Hook ‘em Horns, Gig ‘em Aggies, and Fight Red Raiders.

Hell. Yeah.

Harvey Kronberg – Don’t You Need a Quorum to have Power?

Uh, what? The publisher of Quorum Report is among the 25 most powerful people in the state? You’ve got to be kidding. Yes, Harvey is a talented reporter who commands respect for his daily buzz alone. Hey, if we could afford him, we’d subscribe ourselves. That said, we have to get our daily buzz in other ways.

Any of Harvey’s colleagues at the major dailies have a wider readership and greater reach. Wayne Slater and Karen Brooks, Dallas Morning News. Jay Root, Fort Worth Star-Telegram. R.G. Ratcliffe, Houston Chronicle. Not to mention Ross Ramsey (Editor, Texas Weekly), who had been doing this for years before Kronberg showed up.

And, if being a gossip hound gets you on the most powerful list, then where’s the right Honorable James E. Pete Laney, the former Speaker? With all due respect, Speaker Laney is such a gossip, he should be hocking Tupperware with the soccer moms in Tarrytown.

Steve Murdock – The Prophet? Tell Us More, O Soothsayer

Murdock is the state demographer. If you want numbers crunched, he’s your man. If you’re talking population characteristics, he’s the go-to guy. But power player?

As one lobbyist told me, Murdock’s the most unassuming man on the planet. As smart as he is, he’s not influencing anybody. His findings during the interim on school finance? They’re being ignored, not leveraged. The one person who might be intimidated by Steve Murdock? Steve Murdock.

Deirdre Delisi – The Better Half of the So-Called Power Couple

We think it’s a little early to call Deirdre one of the most powerful people in Texas, given her short tenure as the Governor’s Chief of Staff. We also find it puzzling that someone’s Chief of Staff can wield so much power when her boss didn’t even make the list.

And seriously, couldn’t the Governor find a native Texan for this job? Deirdre’s Canadian and she attended (gasp) DUKE and STANFORD. Talk about your latte liberals.

As soon as the 32-year-old starts busting some balls Toomey-style, we’ll reconsider.

Instead of Delisi, Burka could have chosen Senate Parliamentarian Karina Casari, an Argentine, in terms of a young up-and-comer with bona fide power. Karina’s a veteran staffer, a Dewhurst confidant, and has every single bill the legislature processes at her direct disposal. The 31 rely on her daily to protect them and the institution that is the Senate. Plus her links to Sibley, a powerful lobbyist and Bush confidant, are no secret.

Scott McCown – the Conscience (but who ever listens to their conscience)…

Scott McCown and the Center for Public Policy Priorities (try saying that one five times fast) have a long list of distinguished work. The CPPP is more than competent, and the analysts there are incredibly smart, and they work incredibly hard. That said, however, their comprehensive research projects and policy pages are largely ignored by the members of this Legislature. Since their liberal views are so conflicting with the folks in the pink building, CPPP can never quite close the deal.

If you have to throw a bone to the non-profit community, the conservative Texas Public Policy Foundation fits the bill. Bill Jones. John Nau. Jim Leininger. These guys ain’t Jiminy Cricket, but they’ve definitely got influence.

And now, for your consideration…

Albert Hawkins – State Health and Human Services Commissioner

Burka laments that there’s a lack of diversity in his choices for most powerful, claiming that “power politics in the Capitol is still a white guy’s world.” We beg to differ. At the very least, why not include the state commissioner who oversees 46,000 employees and a total budget of $20 billion?

Albert Hawkins is no white guy. Before coming back to Texas, Hawkins served as the Assistant to the President and Secretary to the Cabinet. His close ties to Washington (and the President) alone should have made him at least as powerful as, say, the town crier. Hawkins is an expert on the data, and, even if he is pushing all the Governor’s programs like a used car salesman, he’s still a highly respected and gifted administrator.

The Rocket Man is our next pick. We’re not even going to give you his name — that’s how powerful he is.

Here are some hints: Montford. Ratliff. Perry. Dewhurst. Tech. Certainly with the exception of Craddick, Jack Martin and, possibly, Billy Hamilton, we could level a credible argument that the Rocket Man wields more day-to-day influence (and has for two decades) over major decisions of public policy matters and public officials than anyone on Burka’s list.

Perry, Dewhurst and Strayhorn

It’s almost laughable that these folks aren’t on the list. Sure, Perry’s personality may have peaked in college, but he’s got the Legislature’s panties in a wad right now. And Dewhurst is the Lt. Governor. Has Burka forgotten Texas Politics 101? That Craddick is powerful does not mean that Dewhurst isn’t. The inherent powers of Dewhurst’s office matter, and just because he’s new to the job shouldn’t keep him off the list. Meanwhile, Strayhorn is the only statewide elected official that can jack with the Governor and the Legislature at the same time, and she’s been doing this like a million-dollar baby.

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