Trust me when I say there is nothing scarier than a white Santa.

As I’ve written about several times in the past, this is the Santa my parents took us to year after year in order to show us that it’s perfectly fine to sit on a strange man’s lap even if that strange man is wearing thick black eyeliner and has freakishly gigantic hands. But you know what’s even more unsettling than a creepy white Santa? A creepy non-white Santa.

Last week Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly made it clear that the real Santa is white (unless you’re poor in which case he’s invisible). Kelly made her comments in reference to an article in Slate, “Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore.” I think we’re missing the point here. What about, “Santa Claus Should Not Be a Man Anymore.” Do you have any idea how tired I am of showing up in my husband’s red long johns to be a Salvation Army Santa only to be told that I can’t because I’m a woman? And also too old? IT’S STILL A MAN’S WORLD DON’T KID YOURSELF.

Here’s Megyn:

When I saw this headline I kinda laughed and I said, Oh, this is ridiculous. Yet another person claiming it’s racist to have a white Santa. And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is maybe just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we’re just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.

Megyn’s right. We do have a serious problem here. A grown woman who still sees Santa Claus. (Position has been filled.)

You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man too. He was a historical figure; that’s a verifiable fact—as is Santa, I want you kids watching to know that—but my point is: how do you revise it, in the middle of the legacy of the story, and change Santa from white to black?

Actually I don’t think Jesus really was a white man, being Middle Eastern and all, but I’ll take her word on Santa. I know my Santa was white. I still draw pictures of him in my art therapy class.

Tags: christmas, media, santa   Posted General |