My least favorite word will always be “enough.” As in, when my little sister tells me she is not “popular enough” to be elected to Student Council, or when my best friend laments that she is not “pretty enough” to get asked to homecoming.
The word “enough” symbolizes the existence of a barrier that must be overcome in order for an individual to be rewarded with any sense of self-worth. We are constantly chasing the elusive concept of “enough” to assure ourselves of our own adequacy — or inadequacy.
For students, the word “enough” is most commonly associated with the college applications process. Preparation starts as early as middle school.
On top of the academic expectations, there are social anxieties as well. Teenagers have always worried about being “funny enough,” “attractive enough” or “likeable enough,” but social media has provided a tangible way for us to measure how well we are achieving our goal. It has provided numbers for us to fixate on — follower counts, status likes, Facebook friends — that bombard us every time we connect online. They creep into our consciousness and affect what we say, how we dress and whom we talk to. When so much of our world is built around constant input from others, it is difficult to develop true self-satisfaction.
In other words, striving to be “enough” is a form of self-inflicted torture. The more we search for validation through external means — numbers, other people — the more we deprive ourselves of long-term happiness.
I know because the fear of not being “good enough” chased me through my childhood. My family friends include students at all elite universities. Every Thanksgiving, undergrads from Harvard, Yale and Columbia congregate in my living room.
I took calculus my sophomore year of high school because I was afraid of falling behind. When I completed my first practice SAT in seventh grade, I was disappointed by my score of 1790.
At some point it becomes exhausting to craft your life by someone else’s expectations. We don’t measure “enoughs” just by ourselves, we do it by comparing ourselves to other people.
Last month, I submitted my first college application to my dream school. My application was a labor of love — one that may not be enough to get me accepted. That’s OK.
As tempting as it is to look at college decisions as the ultimate test of “enough” — the determiner of whether all of my efforts were worth the investment — I am proud of myself, regardless of the results. I am pretty cool, even without an Ivy League acceptance.
Catherine Zhang of Plano is a senior at Plano West Senior High School and a Student Voices volunteer columnist. To respond to this column, send an email to voices@dallasnews.com.
